Kirby Right Back at Ya! Remix
by Pandora the Damned
Summary: You know how some of the lines the characters say in the dub make you want to hit that character in the head with a frying pan? If you agree, you're going to like this!
1. Kirby Comes to Cappy Town

_**Well, let me rant longer that usually do before I start this chapter. First thing I want to say is that they have the Kirby anime on 4kids again. It's the dub but hey, Kirby hasn't been on air since what? 2006? Anyhoos, if you want to watch it it's on around 11:00 on 4Kids TV. Kapeesh?**_

_**Also, I'm doing this remix in the dub because it's a lot easier to make fun of**_

_**And you might want to grab some popcorn and get comfortable, this chapter is **__**long**__**.**_

_**Also, let it be said that I do not hate the Kirby anime, dub or not. This is purely Lynn's character.**_

_**To Ivy Starr because she is awesome like that.**_

* * *

Kirby Comes to Cappy Town

First thing I want to tell you is; and this is in all honesty… I _hate _the Kirby anime. It just bugs me. The lines are overly clichéd, the characters are either total Mary Sues, complete idiots, or, in the case of that one girl who hangs out with Kirby, well, she bosses everyone around and acts like she knows everything.

I'll just start out at the beginning so you actually have an idea about why I'm ranting about how much I hate Kirby.

My name is Lynn Caroline Edwards. I'm 14, and I am never going outside on Friday 13th again. Stupid superstitions.

I walked outside on this particular Friday and grabbed my bike. I was _not_ heading to school if that's what you're thinking. We had the day off for some reason that I couldn't keep track of. Well, I just decided to go to the mall due to the fact that our computer was busted and both my parents were hogging the _only TV _in our house.

So, amazingly, I manage to get to the mall without killing myself and lock my bike up on the bike rack. I shoulder the doors open and walk to the center of Peru, Indiana's seemingly only mall. They have a fountain there that you'll see people throw money in every five seconds. I decided to make my donation, just for the fun of it. You have to admit, things like that are addicting.

I flip the coin into the air and make a wish in my head just like when I was six

_I'm bored. I wish something interesting would happen today._

…My first mistake…

"Hey Lynn! Over here!" someone called my name. It was my buddy, Lila.

"What's up?" I asked as we passed some Disney related store and walked into a sporting goods store

"I need to find some lacrosse stuff. You wouldn't mind giving me a hand, would you?" I looked at me with the puppy dog stare that would make me do anything for her.

"Ugh. Fine. But then, after this, can we go get a giant pretzel?"

"Whatever."

So we crossed the sporting goods store and finally made it to an almost invisible section that had some lacrosse stuff.

Lila threw me a stick with a net on the end. (You'd think that with her talking about the sport every moment for the past 2 years I would have remembered what this stuff was called)

"Come on! Pass the ball to me!" she shouted, positioning herself outside one of the changing rooms.

I shoved the tiny ball into the net and aimed it best I could at her. When I threw the ball (in a manner of speaking) it turns out I had overshot at it flew over her head and into the changing room stall. I heard a crashing noise.

…My second mistake…

It seemed the entire mall seemed to quiet. Lila and I dropped out sticks or whatever they were called and ran as fast as we could out of the mall, I unlocked my bike and Lila and I rode off before anyone even knew what happened.

-Riding home-

"Duuuuuude…" Lila groaned, pedaling up beside me, "You are screwed!"

"Am not!" I contradicted, "We got out before anyone saw who it was that broke the changing room mirror!"

"Not by the Man!" Lila explained (I forgot to mention that Lila speaks Hippie lingo), "By the supernatural forces of bad luck!"

"Don't tell me you believe in that crap!" I laughed, "And besides, why would it make any difference now?"

Lila rode into her driveway and turned her head to look back at me, "Happy Friday the 13th."

As I passed her, I shouted back, "You _so_ got that from the Jason movies!"

…

I opened the door to my house, I plopped onto the couch, feeling physically and emotionally drained. I found the TV remote and clicked it on. The TV turned on mid-Kirby episode.

"No! I don't what to watch this right now!" I yelled

…My third mistake…

Unable to find anything good on, I turned off the TV, and rolled over onto my back. I shut my eyes for what I vowed only a moment. It was a _very_ long moment.

…

I awoke to the feeling to something tickling my toes. My eyelids fluttered a bit and I lifted my head a bit to see a sheep licking my toes. Hell yes I screamed.

I jumped up, causing the sheep to run away on its short little legs. I looked around, the scene looking more and more unfamiliar to me. Obviously I was in a sheep paddock, but where?

I turned around and saw a cobblestone road. And houses! Houses painted annoyingly cheerful colors. Oh my god I was sent to Hell. Just for unintentionally throwing a ball and breaking a mirror. What kind of punishment system in Satan running?

I walked through the paddock, taking a fair amount of care to where I stepped.

Once I made it out, I started walking into the village. I noticed something that made me almost scream. The people… they weren't people. It was like I had stepped into a movie called _The Invasion of the Animated Cookie Dough._ A few people looked at me in curiosity but then went back to what they were doing.

I looked down at my feet, trying to remain inconspicuous. Except my feet, they were different somehow. They were bigger, and rounder than normal human feet should be. And what scared me most… they were pitch _black_.

I ran to a window to see my reflection and this time I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming. I bit it so hard that I tasted blood.

I looked like I was out of an anime show. My eyes seemed all sparkly and junk and my hair was in spiky clumps that no amount of moose could ever accomplish. It was still in a short bob with blood red flecks all over the top. I was lacking legs but I was now clad in a black skirt that had a silvery chain hung on the side. I was still wearing my jacket which still had the words _Long live the Black Parade _on it and my shirt underneath was still a black tank top with the words _I want to Ctrl Alt Delete You_ plastered to the front. I may have looked nice, but that didn't stop me from being totally freaked out.

Something flashed out of the corner of my eye. I whirled around to see what looked like a shooting star, except more solid and lower to the ground. I watched as it hit the earth, churning up dirt as it slowed to a stop.

I ran up to where the thing had landed and I saw that it was, it fact, a star; but that the same time, it also looked… mechanical.

Someone pushed me out of the way and I stumbled backward onto the ground as more people gathered around to look at the ship.

A boy, a girl, two floating gum balls, two fancy looking adults, a few people from the village, a bloated penguin and an unusually large snail with a green goatee.

"What is it?" someone asked, I wasn't exactly sure who

"It's a space invader!" shouted the penguin thing, which just so happened to have a very heavy southern accent.

I didn't here if anyone else said anything but what I did hear was a hatch opening and compressed air escaping.

After shoving a lot of people out of the way, I saw a pink beach ball like thing gazing up at everyone like a newborn baby.

"Mash it with your mallet!" shouted the snail randomly and the penguin raised a giant mallet that seemed to materialize out of nowhere.

"No! Don't!" shouted the girl, stepping in front of the pink ball, "We don't even know where it came from!"

Regardless, the penguin sent the ball flying into the distance

"You idiot!" I shouted at the penguin, it felt good to raise my voice after awhile of suppressing screams. Everyone turned and seemed to just now realize that I had been there that whole time, "Why did you do that?"

"Who are you to question what his majesty does or doesn't do?" ordered the snail, crossing his arms

"Who are you to question my questioning of what his majesty does or doesn't do?" I retorted, smirking, the snail looked confused and was about to speak but the penguin shouted, "I order you to tell me who you are!"

"Why, I'm a space invader!" I said, mimicking the penguin's accent, "Who are you?"

"How dare you speak to his majesty with such insolence!" cried the snail, looking sour, "You need to learn out to respect your superiors!"

"How dare you not speak to his majesty with such insolence!" I shouted, "You need to learn how to laugh at your superiors!"

I could almost hear the snail grinding his teeth, I spoke again, "Seriously, I've known you for all of 5 seconds and you've already proven to be a suck-up."

Now everyone was just staring at me, completely dumbfounded that I would have such a rude attitude to their oh-so-precious king. The little girl ran off for some reason, probably to find that one puffball thing.

"You're under arrest for having a smart mouth towards his majesty, King Dedede!" growled the snail. The penguin looked smug.

"Dedede? What kind of name is Dedede?"I asked as little tanish-yellowish things surrounded me and began jabbing me with long, pointed spears, towards a castle that I hadn't noticed before.

"Wow, great getaway plan Lynn," I muttered to myself as I was led up to the castle.

…

I sat in a cell in what was more or less a dungeon mixed with a wine cellar. For the past half an hour I had been trying to get a bar on my cell phone. Long distance calling my arse.

I shoved the phone into my pocket when I heard multiple footsteps coming down the stairs. The little boy and girl (who looked strangely familiar) the floating things, and the pink guy who had come out of the space ship.

"Hello," said the girl, in what I assumed was her attempt a being friendly. I myself, thought I heard a hint of pity. "Who are you?"

"I'm a little goth girl locked up in a jail cell that smells like stale wine. You?" I said sarcastically

"Well sis, maybe she doesn't want to be let out of her cozy little cell," teased the boy

"You're an evil little boy, you know?" I said, "I respect that."

"What are you? You look like a Cappy, but at the same time, you don't" the girl asked

"Half an hour ago, I was human,"

The little girl shrugged but then brushed a piece of hair out of her face in what I thought was a very snobbish manner, "My name's Tiff."

I imitated her and said in a semi-high voice, "My name's Lynn." My voice returned to normal and I turned my gaze to everyone else, "And what about you guys?"

"I'm Tuff," the boy said, pointing to himself

"And we're Fololo," started one of the floating balls, this one blue, "And Falala!" finished the pink one

"Fascinating," I said flatly, "And what about this thing?" I pointed at the puffball

"That's Kirby," Tiff said

"Poyo!" Kirby shouted at the sound of his name

Everything suddenly came rushing back to me like one painful headache. These were the annoying, clichéd Kirby characters whose guts I hated. My eye twitched.

"Well? Do you want us to let you out or not?" Tuff asked, dangling a small key ring in front of my face

"Gimmee that," I said, swiping the keys from him before he had time to withdraw his hand. Quickly I unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"Ok, I'm out. Now what?"

"Well, we have to go to a dinner to welcome Kirby," Tiff said, "You might be able to come along if you want to."

"Will they have breadsticks?"

"I guess,"

"I'm in,"

…

I sat on a stool next to Tiff and Tuff, looking around at the people who occupied the chairs near me. I found it weird, so I just staring longingly at the breadsticks. I like breadsticks…

The mayor (or at least that's what I assumed he was) stood up and said something on Kirby's behalf. The puffball looked like it had absolutely no idea what was going on.

When the mayor finished, Tiff just said, "Kirby doesn't understand what you're saying."

Then, without warning, Kirby inhaled all of the food on the table. When he finished, all that was left was us, with my hair standing on air from the wind, and a bunch of empty dishes.

"He… he ate… the breadsticks," I said with disappointment.

Kirby showed no comprehension that he had just eaten the best food in the history of the universe. He just skipped out like nobodies business.

"Come on! We have to get him!" Tiff said, running out after Kirby, Tuff, Fololo and Falala following him close behind. That left me, sitting at the table with people just looking at me as if they had just realized I was here.

I looked around before standing up and running towards the door, "Don't leave me alone in there!!!"

I caught up with them looking out at a sheep paddock. There were a few sheep scattered across the field but there was something that I hadn't noticed my first time in this field; there were _bones_ scattered about the paddock.

"My god," I muttered, "What happened and why wasn't I there to videotape it?"

"Kirby, did you do this?" Tiff asked, I actually found this funny, "You really think Kirby ate all this? He's like, 8 inches tall!" I laughed. Then I remembered the food. And the breadsticks… "Never mind," I sighed

"Maybe Kirby is the monster," Falala mused in her ridiculously high voice

"Well, we can't stay here, come on!" Tiff grabbed Kirby's hand and led us down to what looked like a large garden shed.

Once we were all in, I shut the door and locked it as best I could.

"You are the one who ate all those sheep aren't you?" Tuff accused

"If you tell us the truth Kirby, maybe we can help you!" assured Tiff

"I hate to break it to you, but Tiff, you're no psychiatrist. What do you plan on doing? Tape his mouth shut? Have fun with that!"

"Why did you even come along if you're just going to criticize me?" Tiff asked, annoyed

"Because I don't want to be stuck in a house with living cookie dough!" I replied back, harsher than I had intended

Suddenly, we heard voiced from outside. Once with a raspy poorly done, English accent said, "Hey, let's check out that shack!"

Then another one replied and it sounded like a turkey with a spoon shoved down its throat. "Adakajvkjivjfsfhah,"

"What?!" I asked in a loud whisper, "Was that supposed to be English?"

Tiff didn't answer; instead she grabbed a burlap sack and shoved it over Kirby in a pathetic attempt to hide him. Just in time too; the door was kicked in and 2 figures approached us. They were both clad in armor. But by looking at their size and shape, my thoughts of being saved from this hellish nightmare fleeted.

"It's Tiff," said the taller of the 2, the one with the English accent

"DajfkjTuff," completed the other. It was like a more twisted version of Fololo and Falala.

The nervous tone in Tuff's voice made me uneasy but then I realized that these kids were really bad liars, "Uh, hi Sword. Hi Blade."

_Sword and Blade? Those names are weird enough to match that Dedede guy._ I thought as they approached us.

"What are you two doing here?" Tiff asked, ah well, at least she sounded more confident than Tuff.

"Zaeifjnoiefjfking," said the smaller one, Blade, I think.

"We're looking for a bloke named Kirby," the tall one said. I couldn't help myself; this dude's accent was too much.

"I'm sorry mate. Kirby ain't here. Maybe you could go check in Australia. And you should also check your friend's voice. I think he might have swallowed a coffee mug." I imitated the knight's accent.

The horrified looks Tiff and Tuff were giving me told me that I was now liable to die any moment now.

But before the knight's could slice me into lunchmeat or whatever they ate here, another voice, this time with a Spanish accent ,"I am not so sure."

A figure stepped through the doorway and the knights seemed to kneel in the presence of this person or whatever he was (personally I don't know how they would kneel. They seem to lack legs).

The thing seemed to step closer and, despite his size, he was really quite intimidating. And that's saying something. I am not intimidated easily.

Suddenly, the knight (I think…) unsheathed a shiny gold sword and stabbed it at the sack that Tiff was doing a poor job keeping hidden. The girl leapt out of the way just as the sword pierced the sack. He lifted it and Kirby popped out looking oblivious as ever. So that's my expression in Algebra.

The knight's eyes seemed to flash but he stood completely still.

Then, (and this kind of freaked me out) his eyes changed from amber to a bright green. "So, it is true."

Then, with a twirl of his blue cape, he turned and left. Tiff just blinked a few times and then chased him out. I followed of course. I didn't want to be left in a dark shed with two knights that were probably plenty pissed at me by now.

"Please Meta Knight," Tiff pleaded

Then Tuff finished for her, "Don't tell the king,"

_Now that tops Dedede by a long shot_, I thought, _who names there kid Meta Knight?_

"The king is not the problem," he said, still keeping his back turned to us, "now we have to find the real monster."

There was a loud noise, a bit like a clap of thunder. At first I looked up, but then I realized that the noise had come from the castle, there was smoke billowing out from one of the windows. Kirby started running towards the explosion.

"Oh come on, even I'm not dumb enough to run towards an explosion!" I sighed exasperatedly

One of the knights was about to contradict me but I just raised my hand to cut him off, "I know what's you're going to say, so just keep your mouth shut for about five seconds,"

The puffball then started to slowly float up to where the smoke was coming from. A bit like a backwards feather.

…

Tiff, Tuff and I all ran into the throne room (I think…) to see Dedede (there's no way I'm about to call him 'king' he locked me in a friggin cellar.)

"Kirby!" Tiff shouted, but the king knocked Kirby into the air. The little thing was getting the crap beaten out of him.

The two fancy looking adults that I had seen earlier that day ran if from out of nowhere. "Look it's Kirby!" The man asked, "He's getting creamed by the king!" the woman finished. Apparently no one here can finish their sentence without help.

Dedede tried to hit Kirby again but just ran into a wall. A little star fell out of his pocket and rolled towards us. Tiff picked it up.

"Get away!" we heard someone shout, don't ask me how Meta Knight managed to shove all three of us out of the way of a falling pillar and still keep his cape wrapped around himself, I myself am still trying to figure it out,

"Thanks." I said, spitting out a mouthful of rubble, "I take it you're with us?"

"Look out!" Meta Knight said sharply

"O…k… not exactly the answer I was looking for." I said, but then looked to where he was pointing and saw a huge octopus sitting on the top of a little fish tank. It got bigger and bigger until it was about a hundred times its original size.

I just stared with my mouth agape. I… hate… this… show…

"That's the monster that ate all the sheep!" Tuff yelled

"Yes and now it has taken control of the king!" Meta Knight said

"Really?" I said sarcastically, "I hadn't noticed!"

The octopus burst through the ceiling and curled its tentacles around the castle turrets and towers.

Tiff, Tuff and I started running through the castle, trying to find a way out. One of the Giant tentacles was following us with rapid speed. Eventually it caught up with us and knocked us to the ground. It blocked us, leaving no where for us to run. So I shouted at the top of my lungs, "I HATE FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!"

But Kirby jumped in front of us, "Great, now I feel so much better," I said, my voice cracking out of trying to be sarcastic when scared out of my wits. I had watched Animal Planet. I knew how squids ate their dinner.

Then, little octopus's started flowing out of the giant one's suckers

"That's not fair!!!"

Well, let me just make this next part short and sweet. Kirby got the snot beaten out of him and the little star that Tiff was holding caught Meta Knight's attention. He explained that it was like this warp star thingy and that it was the source of Kirby's power or something like that.

Tiff ran after Kirby, who was trying to escape his attackers.

Now the octopus was really starting to do some damage. Knocking in towers, smashing walls, and we were liable to get crushed any moment now.

I followed Tiff to a still-standing balcony and she hopped up on the ledge. "Kirby!!!!" she shouted holding the star in the in the air.

Kirby smiled and started 'poyoing' and hopping around. He then started a repeat of the dinner table incident, inhaling anything that wasn't nailed down.

"Whoa, that dude is never full, is he?" I said, straitening my hair once again

"Inhale is Kirby's classic defense," Meta Knight appeared out of nowhere

"Dude, have you always been there?" I asked

The octopus sent another army of tiny counterparts at Kirby, but instead of inhaling them, he did this awesome spin kick thing that sent them flying

Tiff and Tuff cheered. Meta Knight looked statuette. And I just with I had some popcorn and a video camera.

The third time the little octopus's attacked; Kirby inhaled them, but then something strange happened; the puffball jumped into the air, and seemed to adopt a hat made completely out of fire.

Meta Knight explained Kirby's 'copy ability' or that's the way he put it. I can't remember the explanation word for word but Kirby is now Fire Kirby or something.

It was now a battle of fire on fire. Finally Kirby managed a spectacular blast of fire and the octopus was sent into space.

Tiff and Tuff cheered again. The two adults, Escargoon and Dedede (now looking particularly solemn appeared behind us. Dedede said something about a refund but I was too relieved to care.

While everyone was getting their bearings after the incident, I saw Meta Knight begin to walk off. I ran up to him.

"Ok, don't think I'm doing this to be kind or caring or anything," I said, Meta Knight just kept walking, I walked with him, "But tell those two friends of yours that I'm sorry. The only reason I'm saying this is because they might try to take my head off and call it an accident. Leave out that last part please."

Meta Knight turned his head to me, nodded, and then just disappeared into the shadows.

"You're so very charismatic!" I called after him

…

The next morning, (I slept in a tree) Kirby's little ship had been repaired by who knows what force of nature. Tiff, Tuff, and a couple people from the village came to see Kirby off.

"I wished you could have stayed longer Kirby," Tiff said

"Poyo," Kirby said softly, he turned around and was about to get on the ship but then, he turned _back_ around and walked up to Tiff

"I hate long goodbyes so just go!" Tiff said, turning her back

"Jeez Tiff, you're nice," I said, then turned to Kirby, "Bye Kirby, you pink puffball or whatever the heck you're made of."

Kirby got in his ship and the hatch closed. Slowly it drifted into the air and Tuff, Tiff, Fololo and Falala chased after it. I heard them yell thanks and all that sappy junk but then, over on the hill, I saw Dedede and Escargoon in their jeep, a large gun pointed at the ship. I put a hand to my head, "Oh Christ," I muttered, "What now?"

To answer, the gun fired and hit Kirby's ship. It spiraled to the ground at hit the jeep, creating an explosion, "That's my favorite part since I've been here!" I laughed, and then went to go check out the damage. I got there just in time to see Dedede chasing Escargoon with his mallet.

"Well Kirby, just like me, it looks like you're stuck here," I said to the puffball

"You wanna stay with us?" Tiff asked

"Kaabii Kaabii!" Kirby shouted

**Well, if all the chapters are going to be this long then I'm only going to do requested episodes but I'm going to try to pile them in order the best I can. Or, if you don't even like the idea of messing with the dub I'm going to get rid of this. This is just kind of an experiment. Review!**


	2. Kirby's Dues Role

Kirby's Duel Role

I sat up on my tree limb. I had been sleeping in this exact tree since I came into Cappy Town . I'm one of those people who could probably sleep on a pile of burning metal and not think anything of it. Ok, maybe that's a bit exaggerated but you get my point.

I climbed down and started walking towards the village. My tree is right on the edge of the forest, so I don't really have anyone bother me. For the past week I've been hanging out with Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby. Don't ask me why, but even though Tiff has gotten on my nerves more than once, she's the only person who I can have a civilized conversation with. Not that I'm really book smart. I keep my grades high enough that I an still pass, but I'm more so the kind of smart that you don't find in school. I'm the kind of person who would know what to say in a battle of sarcasm. Not that I know if there even is such a thing, but if someone asked me "What are you looking at?" I would respond "I'm still trying to figure that out."

Anyways, back on topic. I decided to go to Kirby's house to meet up with Tiff and Tuff. I seemed to get there the exact time they did.

"Good morning Lynn." Tiff said, knocking on the door of Kirby's house.

Much to our surprise, Tokkori answered, "Whatever you're sellin I ain't buyin it so put an egg in your shoe and beat it!"

" 'Put an egg in your shoe'?" I asked, laughing a bit, "Where'd you pull that from?"

"What are you doing in Kirby's house?" Tuff asked

Tokkori looked away from us and made an odd gesture with his wing, "Well, your little pink pal and I made a trade. I moved into his house and he moved into my tree."

We looked over and saw Kirby sleeping soundly in Tokkori's nest, "Rise and shine, ya got company!" He pecked Kirby hard and the little puff jumped (well… fell actually) out of the nest and landed at our feet.

"Wake up Kirby trouble's commin!" Tuff said with an edge of worry that he didn't have a moment ago.

"Tuff, you sound like you're talking to Lassie," I said. The two of them just looked up at me with confusion

"Forget it,"

"Poyo?"

"We just came from King Dedede's castle." Tiff explained, she sounded about as worried as Tuff, "This morning-," but she was cut off by the voice of an old man, "Well, there's the fella I'm lookin for!"

"We're kind of busy here Mr. Melman,"

"Sorry Tuff, jus doin my job." The old mail carrier reached into his bag and pulled out a letter, "Got a special delivery from uh, from uh, let's see…"

I made a grab for it but Tiff reached it first. She read the address on the back and a look of surprise came over her face, "It's from Meta Knight!"

"Really? He never struck me as the type to mail letters. Ah well, he probably has better things to do than run through the village trying to find the person he wants to speak with." I said, waiting for Tiff to open the letter, "Any day now."

After shooting a dull glare in my direction, she read;

"_Honorable Kirby_,"

"Yup, that's him," this time I got a group glare

"_As a fellow star warrior you are required to accept my challenge. I hereby request a battle with you."_

"Poyo! Poyo!" Kirby shouted, excited

"What are you so happy about? Meta Knight challenged you to a duel!" Tuff said

"Maybe he wants to get his ass kicked." I mused

"Poyo?"

...

Tiff, Tuff, Kirby and I waited in Kabu canyon. Fololo and Falala had caught up with us as well. We were all just staring at what seemed to be nothingness, as if Meta Knight was going to pop out of the shadows (I would expect as much from him)

"Kirby, there's something we need to tell you." Tiff sighed

"Poyo?"

"We know why Meta Knight challenged you."

"Really? Do tell." I said in a dull, bored tone. I started to climb onto a fairly high ledge so that I would get box seats for the on-coming match. Stupid, legless body.

"We saw Meta Knight going up to King Dedede's throne room. So, we decided to stay and see what was going on."

"Stalker," I said jokingly. This time a got such a glare from Tiff that I was almost surprised that I didn't feel its heat. "Am not!" Tiff turned away from me to keep telling Kirby the story. "Deeeeniiaaaalll," I said under my breath.

Tiff told Kirby that Dedede wanted Meta Knight to finish Kirby off in a duel. Meta Knight accused the Dedede of ordering monsters but the penguin denied. But my attention went elsewhere when I saw the shadow of one of the knight's that I had pissed off when I first got here. I was going to tell Tiff and the others, but I figured that they would find out sooner or later.

"You're in a lot of trouble Kirby." Tiff sighed, I could tell that she was slowly stressing out

"There's no way you can beat Meta Knight!" Tuff agreed, "The best thing to do now is to run and hide some place!"

"It is too late for that." We all turned our heads in unison and saw Meta Knight standing on a ledge directly above us. "If you wanted Kirby to escape, why did you come here?"

"He's got a valid point you know," I pointed out

_Not helping!_ Tiff mouthed to me, looking even more stressed that she had moments before. "Well," she said, regaining her composure, "because we wanted to talk to you."

Meta Knight jumped down from where he was standing with cat-like reflexes. _Show off… _I thought. Now Tiff just looking angry, "We thought you were on out side! And Kirby's side too!" "We heard you tell Dedede you were gonna get rid of Kirby!" Tuff added

"I am at his Majesty's service, I cannot disobey his commands."

"Sure you can! I do it all the time!" I burst in

"Yes, but I am civilized and know when to hold my tongue," Meta Knight retorted, still keeping his eyes on the children in front of him. I picked up a small stone and was about to flick it at him when Blade caught my wrist and pried the stone out from my fingers, "Thddkea," he said as he walked back to his partner with the stone in his hand

"You're welcome,"

"Traitor!" Tiff ran at him but Sword and Blade jumped in front of her

Meta Knight unsheathed his sword or… at first what looked like the hilt of a sword with crackling energy all around it. Then it finally materialized all the way and now he held a golden sword with prongs that jutted outwards on either side of the blade, "Kirby, my king has commanded me to challenge you to a duel. Prepare for battle, and prepare to be defeated!"

I jumped off the rock and went to go stand next to everyone else, "I'm surprised he can talk that fast and still hold up the accent well enough."

Meta Knight ran at Kirby and hit him with the sword. Kirby was knocked to the side and somersaulted a few times before skidding to a stop.

Meta Knight hit him again. I started wondering whether this was a duel or whether this was more of a work out to him.

He stepped up onto a small hill of dirt and pointed hit sword at the puff, "This duel, is about to end."

"Dun dun… duh!" I said, exaggerating the moment

Ignoring me, Tuff shouted, "That's what you think!"

"Kirby!" shouted Tiff, (she sounded like a fire siren), "You can do it Kirby! Just use your suck up power!"

"I refuse to cheer for anyone."

Kirby did as he was told. A whirlwind of dust and rocks flew around Meta Knight, but he stayed firmly in place. The rest of us ducked behind a rock so as not to end up in Kirby's mouth.

Eventually, Kirby stopped, out of breath. Tiff, Tuff, Fololo and Falala and I all stepped out from behind our shield looked extremely frazzled. Meta Knight, however, much to my annoyance, remained unmoved, as if there had never been any wind. "Kirby is very powerful. But he cannot suck up opponents that are extremely large and heavy."

"And that applies to you, how?" I asked still annoyed at his ability to be perfect at _everything_

"I have other ways of defending myself."

"Of course you do."

Tiff folded her hands and gave Meta Knight a puppy dog face, "Please Meta Knight, you know way more than Kirby does. He can't beat you."

"That wasn't so much pleading as it was flattery." I said, raising my eyebrows

"…" Tiff almost said something, but then realized that it would be smarter not to, so she just went back to pleading with Meta Knight, "How can you pick a fight with him when he can't even defend himself?"

"Sword Knight, give him a way to defend himself." He said, in response, Sword threw a long um… sword down to us. It landed Excalibur-style on the ground in front of Kirby, "There. Now we can battle as equals."

"Kirby! It's a trap!" Tiff shouted

Tuff joined in, "Run Kirby!"

"Didn't we already establish that that wasn't an option?" I asked, scuttling back up onto the ledge that I had been sitting on before.

Kirby however, must have agreed with me, because now he and Meta Knight were glaring at each other. He jumped at the sword in a feeble attempt to pick it up. The sword was too big for him though, and it just swayed back and forth until it became dislodged from the ground and fell flat.

I grinned, right on the verge of laugher. "Equals, Meta Knight? I think he was doing better without the sword."

Kirby ran back up to the sword and attempted to pick it up. He succeeded, but it was still far too heavy for him. He held it above his head a most pathetic attack position.

"Now, the battle begins!" Meta Knight exclaimed, moving so fast he was a blur at first. His blade hit Kirby's and it was just like before, except Kirby's borrowed sword was taking the heat now.

Eventually, Meta Knight wacked him over the head and hit him again into the side of the canyon. Kirby lifted his head and, seeing Meta Knight coming at him, he started flailing his sword wildly in all directions. Again I grinned.

My grin disappeared and was replaced by surprise when Kirby actually blocked Meta Knight's attack. Meta Knight looked at Kirby with what was more or less a glare (But then, the way his mask is set up, he could be overjoyed or else completely drunk and he would still look as if he was glaring at you), "Fine then. I will save enough power to defend myself, but still move on to more intense attacks."

"I didn't catch a word of that. You?" I asked down to Fololo and Falala, who shrugged

Kirby and Meta Knight kept going at each other, Meta Knight muttering words of advice to Kirby, who didn't seem to listening at all. He was just trying not to get sliced in half.

Eventually (and this made me laugh enough to almost fall off of the ledge) Meta Knight started bouncing Kirby on his sword like a pink basketball. Then Kirby was slammed into a wall. I would have laughed at that too (yes, that sounds more heartless that I really am), but I figured that Tiff would probably kill me in my sleep.

Then, rocks started falling. I stopped smiling, "That might be a bit painful…"

Amazingly, he wasn't crushed, which took me a while to realize, "Whoa…"

Meta Knight stepped up to Kirby, sword still drawn, "A true star warrior would stand up and fight." He said

"Kirby! Don't listen to him!"

"Run away Kirby!"

Kirby just stood there for a minute. Then, finally making up his mind, he and Meta Knight went at it again. By now I was just getting a bit bored. They weren't really doing much, just slapping blades around. But hey, what do I know about sword fighting?

Meta Knight would occasionally utter a comment and then attack Kirby again. It was almost a pattern.

"Look Tiff! Kirby's fighting back! Maybe if he keeps this up he can beat Meta Knight!" Tuff shouted

"Or maybe Meta Knight is just _acting_ like Kirby has a chance to win the duel." Tiff replied

_"Someone's getting a bit paranoid,"_ I said in a sing song voice, fiddling with the chain on my skirt

Then, I heard something that made me look down at the fight below me. Had my ears deceived me or had I just heard Meta Knight _compliment_ Kirby? As if this place wasn't screwed up enough, now we have Meta Knight _complimenting _Kirby?

Then, Kirby took a large swing that only would have hit Meta Knight if he had been standing completely still. He jumped onto a large boulder jutting from the ground, "If you truly focus your powers, nothing is unreachable."

"That means a lot coming from you," I muttered, sighing again. This time I thought I saw Meta Knight twitch slightly.

"I will prove it to you," He said to Kirby, but I think he was intent on me getting an earful of it too.

"The steel of my sword is hard, but the steel of my will makes it harder," He said, almost murmuring, then, as if this was like, a daily routine for him (and this makes me even more pissed at him for obvious, Mary-Sue related reasons) he jumps 10 feet into the air and shot a huge blade of light from his sword. It tore a gaping hole in the floor of the canyon, almost ripping Kirby in half. I struggled to keep from being impressed. Sword and Blade saw me conflicting with my inner self and immediately grinning to each other.

"If you allow your power to flow into your sword and release it, you create the sword beam," Meta Knight explained, looking down at Kirby.

"Bet you 100 to 1 that would never work on Earth," I said to no one in particular

Again Meta Knight let loose another sword beam. This one ripped through the canyon, right up the side of the wall, shaking loose an avalanche of large rocks.

"Sword beam allows you to use all your power in one concentrated attack. When the spirit is focused, energy leaves the body and enters the sword. If you focus, perhaps you can defeat me." Meta Knight said

"And perhaps he will get chopped into a million tiny little pieces," I said, raising my eyebrows

"Try it. It is your only hope, if you fail, my sword will defeat you."

I looked over at Tiff, "I can see why you like him,"

"I do not!" Tiff said, teeth grinding

"Suuuuure you don't"

We both turned our gaze to see Kirby, just lying on the ground, sleeping

"Does that count as forfeiting?" I asked, the corners of my mouth twitching into a small smirk

"Kirby just fell asleep!" Tuff exclaimed

"Really? I hadn't noticed. What time zone is your brain in?" I asked giving Tuff a cool look

"Kirby!" Tiff yelled, as if Kirby really had any chance of hearing her

"Kirby is free of all anxiety. That is how he focuses his power." Meta Knight explained, "He will be difficult to defeat. But for the sake of honor I must try."

"Ok. Let me get this straight. You have no problem attacking Kirby when he is swinging his sword wildly in all directions, but you find it hard to attack him when he's unconscious?" I asked, my smirk widening

Sword answered me, probably thinking I wouldn't have a response, "Precisely," he said simply, waiting for me to retort

"Ok, just checking," I said, then went back to watching. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Blade trying to restrain his friend.

Meta Knight ran at Kirby, sword raised. Kirby was still asleep. Meta Knight was about to slice the little pink puff in half, but right as he got near, a huge boulder seemed to fall right out of nowhere. Meta Knight shoved Kirby out of the way right as the boulder came crashing into the earth. Everyone seemed to glance my way.

"Yes people, did I mention I can make boulders fall from the sky?" I asked, almost smiling

The boulder created a large cloud of dust, obscuring my vision. Even though I could not yet see him, I heard Meta Knight coughing before he managed, "Where are you?"

Then I saw Tiff and Tuff kneeling over Kirby, about 30 feet from where Meta knight stood, "Tuff! Kirby got knocked out!"

I heard Tuff shout, "What are we gonna do?"

I climbed down from where I was and ran over to them, "You get him out of here! I thought that might have been obvious!" I hoisted Kirby into my arms and motioned with my head for the four others to follow.

…

It was dark, by some strange force of whatever deity is up there, we had managed to get Kirby out of the canyon without Meta Knight finding us. Now, we all stood on an outcropping of rock and watched as Meta Knight, Sword and Blade looked for him

Sword shouted, "Kirby!"

"Kirby! Whereakfjc?" (Do I even have to mention who said this?)

"I still have no clue what the hell he's saying," I whispered to Tiff, who looked at me in confusion, "What are you talking about? He's speaking clear as day! How could you _not_ understand him?"

I gave her a look of confusion and a look that said 'WTF are you talking about?' all in one. I decided to drop it.

"Meta Knight skajeiujfjc," I swear it,if he speaks again I'm going to break something

"With a little more time you could have taught Kirby to master the sword beam," Sword said, looking at Meta Knight, his expression unreadable

"Yes, and now I fear King Dedede will order a monster skilled in swordplay. Kirby is in danger. We must find him!" Meta Knight said and, twirling his cape, he turned and left

Tiff shot me a glare that said, _If you give us away I will hurt you._

"Huh?" Tuff asked, "Now they sound like they're trying to protect Kirby."

"Maybe they have a multi-personality disorder or something," I mused, "_Or_ (and I'm just saying to Tiff doesn't have to waste her breath), maybe they were trying to lure us into a trap."

Tiff's face flushed, "I am _not_ that paranoid!"

"You have no idea,"

We looked down and say a massive shadow stretched out in front of us. We looked up and saw a giant Tiki in the canyon, a fire burning beside it.

Tiff called up to it, "Meta Knight came here to see you, didn't he Kabu?"

"I think Tiff's finally lost it." I whispered to Tuff, "If she's going to go around talking to giant Tiki monuments."

"He came here to consult with me about the threat to our planet,"

I stumbled back, my eyes wide, "Holy shit!"

Ignoring me, Tiff asked, "Threat to the planet? What do you mean Kabu?"

"There is a secret empire of evil, ruled by one known as NME,"

"Well, no wonder they're evil. I'd be evil too if my mom gave me the name NME,"

"It is his plan to control the entire universe. He creates monsters and delivers them to customers like Dedede, who do not know their true purpose. But NME made one grave mistake. One creature was produced that will not obey his orders, and NME fears it may defeat him."

"The creature must be… Kirby," Tiff said

"Yeah, and that must be why NME's trying to get rid of him!" Tuff added

"That is the likely explanation,"

"I don't know. _Meta Knight_ kind of strikes me as the type who would do that." I said, thinking

Tiff frowned, "What do you know about Meta Knight?"

"Chill, fangirl. And that's exactly my point. What _do_ we know about Meta Knight?"

Tiff ignored me and smiled up at Kabu, "Well, we better get going Kabu, thanks for the information."

"Hey Kabu?" Tuff asked, "How'd you find out about all this stuff?"

"I learned it long ago, from Meta Knight."

"Well, that runs my theory into the dirt," I sighed

"Say what?!" Tuff shouted. I could almost hear the dramatic music playing.

"From Meta Knight?" Tiff asked

…

We were back in the canyon with Kirby. Fololo and Falala had gotten him an ice pack and mini stretcher for him to lay down on. "He's still very weak." Falala said

"Hang in there Kirby." Tuff muttered

"Come on, we need to get him out of here and back to his house." Tuff said and picked up the front of the stretcher. Tuff picked up the back and we made a run for it. Only as soon as we stepped out from where we were hiding, headlights flared on and there sat Escargoon and Dedede in a large jeep.

Dedede laughed, "Now you're in the spotlight,"

Escargoon finished for him, "But its curtains for your little friend."

"You'd think that with us cornered, he'd bother to come up with some un-clichéd lines." I sighed

"What do we do?" asked Tuff panicking

"I think that might have been obvious…" I began

"Run!" Tiff shouted

"Aw crap! I'm getting into this too!" I groaned as we attempted to run from the jeep (saying this, I'm referencing the fact that I can't finish a sentence without help, just like everyone else on this stupid planet)

We were ahead for a bit, but then Tiff tripped and fell. Kirby flew into the air, bounced off of Dedede's jeep, then again off the side of the canyon, and finally skidded to a stop on the ground, right in front of an enormous bug.

"That's got to be the single most disgusting thing I have _ever_ seen." I said, pulling Tiff up.

I watched as the bug jabbed its gigantic sword at Kirby, who evaded it about 5 times before running behind the thing. The bug grunted or whatever the sound was and threw a mace down on Kirby. Kirby rolled out of the way and now Kirby was just dodging and ducking to keep from being cut in half. Soon Kirby was backed up against a wall, gasping for breath.

I turned away from the fight to see Meta Knight speaking to King Dedede

"So, you were only using me to find the right monster to order." Meta Knight accused, he actually sounded pissed off a little. Frankly, I'm surprised that he had any use of emotions at all.

"Now you know how the rest of us feel sooner or later," I said, walking up to them

Meta Knight and I turned to see the insect going at Kirby again

"Kirby's new power will now be put to the test," Meta Knight said, he looked up at me, "I was expecting a sarcastic remark."

"I'm not always a smart ass." I said, "Only most of the time. I'm on break."

Kirby was backing up rapidly; seemingly always out of reach of the monster

"Kirby! Do something!" Tiff shouted

Tuff added, "Kirby, try to suck it up!"

"That's not-," but Kirby started inhaling before I could finish, "…going to work…" I sighed

As I had predicted, the monster remained still. Eventually, Kirby ran out of breath and stopped, exhausted.

The bug stomped towards him, backing Kirby into a corner.

"Kirby, try to suck it up again," Tiff said, less enthusiastic

Meta Knight appeared from behind them, "His opponent is too large to defeat that way,"

"That's what I said!" I exclaimed

"You're right Meta Knight." Tiff said, ignoring me, much to my annoyance, "Kirby! One more time! But this time, suck up his sword!"

Kirby tried again, and again it remained immobile. But then, Meta Knight (who somehow managed to get to the ground in less than 10 seconds) threw his sword and at the bugs hand. It let go and Kirby was able to inhale it.

I furrowed my brow, "How is that not painful?"

Kirby jumped into the air and somehow adopted a large elf hat and a sword of his own.

"He is now, Sword Kirby."

"Awesome," I said

"A master swordsman, if he has leaned any attacks,"

Tiff shouted words of encouragement but Kirby seemed not to have noticed, he was now facing the monster in front of him like he actually knew what he was doing.

The monster crossed his arms into an X, and 2 long scimitars appeared.

"Greeeeaaaatt," I let out a drawn out sigh

Kirby raised his sword high in the air and it seemed to at least triple in size.

"And _how_ is he able to hold that thing up?" I asked, incredulous

It was like one of those western movies. The bad guy standing on one side of the dusty little town, and the good guy on the other. Now all we needed was a tumble weed.

Kirby and Bugsy (Bugsy? Really? How original) both attacked each other at once. There were so many attacks that I couldn't keep track.

"Kirby, if you focus, you can defeat it," Meta Knight said, so quietly that I could hardly hear it. Somehow, Kirby managed to pick it up. He yawned and fell asleep, right in front of Bugsy.

We all seemed to gasp in unison.

Bugsy attacked him. But just as his sword was about to bite into Kirby's pink flesh, the little swordsman jerked awake and jumped high into the air. Light collected at the end of his blade, eventually enveloping the sword. He sent the sword beam at Bugsy. It ripped right through the monster.

Both halves of Bugsy seemed to be connected by only crackling energy. Then, and I'm going to make this short and sweet, Bugsy exploded.

Tiff and Tuff cheered. I just smiled, glad that thing was dead so I wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

Kirby stood next to us, now normal. Then, we heard something strange. More cheering. We looked up to see what looked like the entire village on the edge of the canyon.

"How the hell did they get here?" I asked, "And how is it that we didn't notice them until now?"

I heard Dedede yelling so I walked over and stood next to Meta Knight as the jeep was coming right as us. It stopped short.

"Meta Knight!" Dedede yelled

"Sire, it is my duty to warn you, Kirby has great power now,"

"Yeah? Who's the king around here? You or me?" Dedede fumed

"King? All I see is a blue sack of lard and an annoyingly perfect blueberry,"

Meta Knight ignored me, "It pains me to do this sire, but I must,"

With that, Meta Knight kicked Dedede and Escargoon down the hill. I fell against the wall, tears coming to my eyes I was laughing so hard.

"You were waiting to do that all day, weren't you?" I asked, still grinning

Ignoring my question, he asked, "I'm going to assume that what you said was a compliment? I am not perfect."

"Uh, you kinda sorta are." I contradicted, "You're a master swordsman, you probably know nearly everything there is to know about Kirby, you appear randomly out of nowhere, you're expressionless, (though I hate to admit it) you're the only person ever that could run around in a cape and make it look cool, and Tiff likes you, even though she's in denial."

Meta Knight laughed at the last one, even though he tried to disguise it as a cough.

Tiff and Tuff walked up to us, "Hey Meta Knight, who are you trying to protect here? King Dedede or Kirby?"

"I am a loyal subject to the King. Why would I help Kirby?" Meta Knight

"Because you're a horrible liar," I said

Tuff spoke to Meta Knight, "That's just what we're trying to figure out."

"Kabu told us about Nightmare Enterprises. But I bet you could tell us a whole lot more."

"Some day." Was all he said

"Well then, we'll find out about Kirby, one way or another." Tiff said

"No fair! You stole my mischievous smirk!" I said, grinning

Meta Knight walked away without saying anything else.

I sat on the ground and sighed, "Something tells me that this is going to be a routine."

"What do you mean?" Tuff asked

"You'll understand later."

_**Well, I thought that this chapter was kind of lame. Sorry. But then, that's for you to decide. There will not be any TiffxMK or aby serious LynnxMK. Lynn is just trying to drive both Tiff and Meta Knight crazy. Please review! Remember, requests are always taken!**_


	3. UnReality TV

_**I'm sorry for procrastinating! Really I am, forgive me! Anyhoos, here's the much needed chapter that has been driving me crazy!**_

Un-Reality TV

I sat next to Tiff, who was writing something in her journal. Well, more so I was standing on one end of a slender piece of wood that came up to my forehead. In my teeth was a thick strand of twine with a loop on either tip. The bottom one was stuck in a notch on one end of the wood and I was still trying to get the other loop onto the top.

"Haven't you gotten that thing yet?" Tiff asked, looking up from her writing.

"Nnnnggggghhh...." I grunted, strained to transfer the twine onto the nearly finished bow. It finally slipped on and I flopped onto the ground, panting, "Yes…" I said, still trying to catch my breath.

"Now you just need to make the arrows."

"I… hate… you…"

Tiff smiled and shrugged. Tuff and some of his friends walked up to us, followed closely by Kirby "Hiya Tiff! Hi Lynn!"

"What are you doing?" asked one of the kids

"Is that you're homework?" asked another

"Can I get a copy?"

"Since when do you guy even go to school?" I asked, breaking a stick off of the tree that I was leaning against and sharpening it with a knife I… er… _borrowed_ from Kawasaki.

"No, I'm writing an essay," Tiff explained

"So… you're doing homework with or without school?" I asked, "I hope it doesn't become habit for your sake,"

"Essay?" Tuff asked, apparently sharing my thought

"That's right, I'm putting down everything about Cappy town and everybody," she said, not realizing that Kirby had taken the book out of her hands. Finally, she turned and saw him shaking the book as if expecting something to fall out.

"Kirby!" she exclaimed, then sighed, "Finding the right words to describe Kirby isn't too easy ya know,"

"How hard could it be?" I sniggered, "He's pink, round, inhales everything in sight, and kicks monster ass,"

Shooting a death glare at me, she said, "But I write about how great it is to live in Cappy Town,"

"Speak for yourself,"

She sighed, "Why do I even bother with you? You're a disaster waiting to happen."

"You just answered your own question boopsie," I said, fitting the new (and poorly made) arrow into the bowstring and let it fly. It soared about 10 feet before thudding into the ground

"You're awful at that," Tuff pointed out

"And I'd like to see you do better,"

All of us turned when we heard someone call form behind us, "Hey, there they are!" a man and a woman ran up to us, looking almost excited, "Come on, we gotta get home right away!" said the man, looking at the kid whose name I think is Iroh.

"Is something wrong?" Tiff asked

"Kind Dedede is giving every family in town a special free gift,"

"That's bull crap if I ever heard it," I exclaimed

"King Dedede never gave anyone anything except a headache," Tiff agreed

The woman clapped her hands together, "He's giving everyone a television with DVD,"

My mouth dropped open, "No way! A TV? Sweet!" I immediately began grinning, even though I should have known it was too good to be true. I shouldered my bow and put some arrows in a poorly-made quiver I had made earlier and started running for the Cappy boy's house along with everyone else.

Tiff, Tuff, Kirby and I poked our heads through Iroh's window to see his and his family eagerly waiting for the show to start.

"The king's up to something," Tiff whispered as she hoisted herself down from the window

"Tiff, do you think the King's gonna give mom and dad a TV too?" Tuff asked

"Maybe, who cares?"

"I do!" Tuff exclaimed and ran up to the castle

"That's got to be the fastest I've ever seen that kid run," I muttered

We watched through the window as Escargoon's voice came through the speakers, "This is the world premier of Dreamland Television, 'Channel DDD'!"

As soon as Dedede appeared on screen, I hopped down from the window sill, "I'm out of here."

Tiff hopped down and turned to see me sitting up against the side of the house, "Is it over?" I asked

"No, but if some people want to waste their lives watching this TV junk, but we have better things to do, right Kirby? Lynn?"

"I'd like to waste my life watching _good _TV junk, but Dedede just killed that dream," I sighed

We then realized that Kirby wasn't next to us anymore, we both looked through the window this time to see Kirby sitting in front of the TV as well.

We walked down the main road in Cappy Town. It was vacant of life, it almost seemed unnatural

"Where is everybody?" Tiff finally screamed, "Hello?"

I watched in what was almost amusement as she ran to a window and looked in at what I assumed was someone watching their new television set. She ran from house to house, looking more and more flustered as she went along. I began to follow her down the road and eventually looked through a window to see Mr. Curio rolling on the floor laughing at whatever stupid thing Dedede had said or done.

"I would have thought Mr. Curio would have been too smart to watch television," Tiff muttered

"Well, you thought wrong," I said

Tiff burst through the door, startling Mr. Curio out of his skin, "Mr. Curio I'm very disappointed in you!"

"Uh, well… I uh…" but he didn't have time to say anything as Tiff yelled in his face, "WE USED TO HAVE LIVES BEFORE TELEVISION!!!!!" then stormed out, me following her.

She ran about halfway up the road before stopping and allowing me to catch up, "There's still my family. Maybe they could resist television ."

"And maybe not…"

We walked through the door and into the living room where, as I had predicted, Tuff, his parents, Fololo and Falala were all glued to the set.

"Oh, no," she sighed to herself, "Dad, if you watch this junk it'll rot away your brain cells!"

"Well I haven't been using my brain cells very much anyways," he responded

"He makes a very convincing argument," I mused, considering how ironic it was that even though Tiff hated TV, she was on it at times. Not that I had exactly told anyone that they were on a television show.

She brushed past me and, being the caring soul that I am, I followed her. Or maybe it was because I didn't want to be stuck in a room where everyone was watching a bad rendition of Transformers.

"My parents are couch potatoes." She said to me, but when she looked up, I was no longer next to her; I was peering into Meta Knight's room. I gestured to her, "Tiff, get over here! You are never going to believe this!"

I stepped out of the way and let her look; I had to laugh at the look of horror on her face. She shoved the door open, "I can't be,"

"This is what the great star warrior Meta Knight does with his spare time," I laughed

She ran up next to him, "Please Meta Knight, don't tell me you like Channel DDD too!"

He laughed, which caused me to almost go into shock, and replied, "King Dedede may be a despicable dictator, but you've got to admit he's got some funny shtick."

"Who are you and what have you done with Meta Knight?" I asked, staring at him in utter disbelief

"I've had toothaches funnier than King Dedede," Tiff huffed, "_Please_, he's got to be up to something!" but before she could rant any longer, a broadcast came on that mad ever her watch the screen;

Dedede; This here is an important news bulletin. A giant monster has been spotted stompin' our way!

"Not again…" I sighed

Dedede; Let's go live!

A huge monster made its way through the trees and into view of the camera.

Monster; _Kirby! Kirrby!!!!_

"Figures,"

Dedede; You heard it that critter's headin' our way cause it's lookin for Kirby!

Over the sound of the monster shouting Kirby's name over and over again, Sword said, "It's weird that the monster showed up on the same day as the telli's,"

"Let me give you a hint as to _why_, Sherlock," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "That monster is faker than my hair color,"

Everyone turned to stare at me.

"What? Naturally I'm a blonde,"

Everyone just seemed to shake themselves, and went back to their conversation, "Esurriteiandn," Blade said

"But why would it want Kirby?"

Tiff put her hand on her cheeks in what I though was a pretty good _Home Alone _face and rushed out the door, "Kirby!"

"Yes, because there really _is_ a monster and it really _is_ looking for Kirby," I rolled my eyes and followed her halfheartedly out the door.

We ran out the castle and down the hill to a small cliff that overlooked the village. There was nothing there.

"See?! What did I tell you?"

"Well, yes, but why would King Dedede say there's a monster coming if there's not really?"

"Because he's Dedede,"

Tiff thought a minute and looked over to me, "Lynn, go down to the village and see what's going on. I have a bad feeling about this,"

"Aye-aye captain," I said with an exaggerated army salute and made my way down to the village.

I made it to the village square just in time to see every single Cappy leaving there houses chanting, "_Kirby must go away. Kirby must go away_,"

"I knew I should have stayed in bed today…," I said, rolling my eyes, I peeked through Curio's window and say Dedede on the screen with a spinning background behind him. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I had a distinct feeling that Kirby was in for a rude awakening.

I ran over to Iroh's house, which was where I last saw him, and, sure enough, I saw the little puff being thrown out of the house.

"Kirby!" I yelled, and ran over to him, "We've got to go! Move! Movemovemovemovemove!" I grabbed him by his stubby arm and pulled him to where I thought I might find Tiff. Instead, we ran into a mob of Cappies, complete with pitchforks and torches, "Come on people!" I shouted, "Give me a break! I can only run so far without legs!" They ignored me, and charged straight at Kirby. This time I didn't have to pull him, he ran for his life, leaving me in the company of the angry mob.

"_Kirby must go away…"_

"Will you shut up?!" I screamed, starting into a jog, "I get the picture!" and ran off in the direction Kirby had gone. I heard the rumble of their footsteps behind me though and quickened my pace to a sprint. I collided wit Tiff, who was standing right next to my tree, "Ang-angry… mob… coming…" I panted, and flopped onto the ground. An arrow poked me in the back.

"Then get Kirby out of here!" she said, a hint of panic in her voice.

"Get a grip lady, you're not the one who just ran a quarter of a mile trying to catch up with a cream puff," I snapped, then hoisted Kirby into my arms, and scuttled up into the branches, concealed by leaves. We heard Tiff conversing with the mob below, "Hey, what's going on? What are you doing?"

"Do you know where Kirby is?" asked Chief Bookem in monotone

"I've been looking for him but he must be gone,"

"He's hiding. If you know where Kirby is, you should tell us now. Kirby must go away! Then the monster will leave us."

"Wow, I looked all over Cappy Town and I didn't see a monster,"

"It wrecked the mayor's house on TV," Kawasaki explained, also in monotone

"Well I haven't been watching because I think TV's stupid,"

I heard Bookem growl in annoyance before saying, "Let's try that way,"

Once I was sure they were gone, I dropped Kirby down from the tree, and I quickly followed

"Ok guy's lets go!" Tiff said hurriedly and she and Kirby ran off

"Guys! Wait up!" I shouted after them, "I can't run as fast as you! I failed P.E.!"

I eventually met up with them at Kirby's place to find Tokkori shouting word of encouragement to the Dedede, who was on the screen.

"Tokkori! We need a place to hide Kirby!" Tiff said

"Yeah, hide Kirby at his house. They'll _never_ suspect it," I said, leaning against the wall to catch my breath

"Huh? Kirby? Hey junior get lost that monster's lookin' for-," But before Tokkori could finish Tiff punched him into a wall

"Nice aim," I admired, giving her a slow clap, "Too bad I didn't get to shut his mouth for him instead,"

Tiff, Kirby and I watched as Dedede shot missiles at the monster and the monster blow fire at him in return.

"Epic fake," I mumbled, "Dedede doesn't have that good of aim,"

"Very fishy," Tiff agreed

Next we saw the monster rearing up behind Kirby's house.

"Oh no! The monster's found out Kirby's hiding in here! We're gonners! Wah-," This time I grabbed Tokkori by the neck, "Shut you're beak for about 5 seconds and look for yourself, it's not going to be there!" I kicked the door back open and showed Tokkori the yard, "What do you say to that?"

"Hey, the monster skedaddled! It's gone!"

"IT WAS NEVER HERE!!!" Tiff and I both screamed, "It was a hoax!" Tiff said

"But we saw it on TV," Tokkori contradicted

"This is what's real! Why isn't it here? Because it's fake!"

I laughed, "And this concludes our game of 'how many different ways can Tiff say the same thing over and over again' on account of the fact that Meta Knight is right behind you,"

"Don't believe everything you see on the television set my friend," Meta Knight said, as expressionless as ever.

"Aaaand _how_ long ago did we try to tell you this?" I asked, them mimicked him, "'_The king may be a despicable dictator, but you've got to admit, he's got some funny shtick,' _ring a bell?_"_

"What is it Meta Knight?" Tiff asked, "Lynn, I think you're hurting him," I then looked down at Tokkori, who had turned a faint shade of blue, I let him go, "Sorry 'bout that,"

Meta Knight ignored me, "I have searched all of Cappy Town. There is no monster."

"Poyo?"

"_Yes,_ we know, I was the one that told you in the first place!" I said, exasperated

"Come with me to the castle,"

We looked at each other, then to Meta Knight, then back to each other, and followed Meta Knight back to the castle.

We snuck past a troop of Waddle Dees that were patrolling the hallway and up to Tiff's family's house. We made it there, panting and out of breath.

"Look, it's Kirby!" Ebrum noticed, "And Tiff and Lynn," Lady Like finished

Tuff ran up to us, "Kirby must go away!"

I slapped him, "Snap out of it and tell us something we don't know!" I was about to hit him again but Tiff caught my hand, "I think he gets the picture,"

"There's a monster coming! We saw it on TV!"

"Just because it's on TV doesn't mean it's true! And we're going to prove it!"

"We are?" Tuff and I asked in unison

Meta Knight opened the door I was leaning against, almost shoving me to the floor, "You so did that on purpose!" I accused

"Excuse me,"

"Meta Knight, you startled us," Tiff sighed

"You'd think you'd be used to him showing up out of nowhere. It kind of deadens whatever reflex is used to startle you,"

"Something is going down in the dungeon, where the king has his TV studio," Meta Knight explained, "He is hiding something,"

"Surprise surprise,"

"Is there a way to get in?" Tiff asked

"Lynn and I will create a distraction,"

I stopped short, "Woah, 'Lynn and I'? what does that mean?"

"You are obnoxious and destructive, this should be know problem for you,"

"Thank you, I knew you cared,"

"Are you ready?" Meta Knight asked, looking at me. It was weird, being in charge of the distraction. I loved it more than anything, having to tell Meta Knight what to do, but it was nonetheless weird.

"The question is, are you?"

He nodded.

"Excellent," I walked out into the hall, and was immediately swarmed by Waddle Dees, "What are you doing down here?" Doo asked, "This is restricted area!"

"I have a present for the king," I replied

"He's busy, if you give it to us, we'll get it to him,"

"You sure?"

"Positive,"

I shrugged, "Ok, you brought this upon yourself," and reached behind the pillar next to where I was standing and Meta Knight handed me an old strawberry. I threw it at one of threw it at one of the Waddle Dees. It hit it squarely in the face.

"It's good!" I shouted football-fan style

I kept chucking the berries, most of them landing off target, but everyone, including myself, was covered in strawberries by the time I ran out. Even Meta Knight got a few smashed berries on his cape, which he tried to hide.

Waddle Doo ran up to me and pointed his sword at my face. However, I towered over him. I knocked an arrow to my bow, which I hadn't used whatsoever since I made it and pointed it at him threateningly, "I'm warning you, I have no idea what I'm doing,"

Apparently I looked as if I had meant it, because he stepped down, "Ok, ok, move on,"

"That's what I thought," I said smugly, wiping rotten strawberry out of my eye, and brushed past them and down the stairs to a door that said 'ON AIR' and shoved it open. I rolled my eyes.

Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby were in a large cage in the middle of the room while Dedede was laughing and dancing around in the middle of a miniature model of Cappy Town with Escargoon who was dressed up as the monster.

"I leave you guys alone for 5 minutes and _this _is the progress you've made?" I asked, "What would you do without me?"

"We would have been in here a whole lot sooner!" Tiff yelled angrily, "At least I'm not covered in rotten fruit!"

"You will be once you go upstairs!" I chuckled

Tiff's cheeks flushed with rage. Surprisingly, I don't think it was me. I think it was Dedede dancing around like a creepy school girl and Escargoon, laughing at her and making snide remarks, "Kirby, suck up this whole dumb studio!"

"No! Nononononono!" I yelled, grabbing onto the bars of the cage as Kirby started inhaling. Furniture and film equipment flew everywhere. I managed to hang on to my bow and quiver but lost all my arrows in the wind. Once Kirby finally stopped, I managed to land on my feet, wobbly, my hair was sticking up in all directions and my head was spinning. The rotted strawberry juice had dried and was caked onto my skin, "Not one of your smartest ideas Tiff…"

"Nice going Kirby," Tuff whispered

"Tuff, can you work a camera?" Tiff asked

"Watch me!"

We started the broadcast with Dedede lying on the floor, completely disoriented.

"This is a special report," Tiff began, "These pictures prove that King Dedede faked the monster on TV so we'd all turn against Kirby,"

"We told you, but did you listen? Noooooooooo. You think anything with a felt costume, a jeep, explosions, and Dedede's crappy acting makes him a good guy!" I said into the camera lens, "But you're not going to learn are you? You're going to forget about this and when the king orders a real monster, where are you going to be? Sitting there watching your king pretend to beat it!"

"Lynn? Lynn, I think they've learned their lesson. Move for a second." Tiff side-bumped me out of the way of the camera and went back on speaking, "Kirby is the real hero!"

"Poyo! Poyo!" Kirby chirped, jumping in front of Tiff

Tiff turned to Escargoon, "Escargoon, tell the viewers why you dressed like a monster and helped King Dedede!"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe it because he works for him Tiff?" I said coolly

"Please, no! Mama might see me!" he yelped, covering his face

"_Please_ tell me he didn't say there are more of him…"

Kirby Dedede grabbed the camera and turned it on him, "Those kids got it all wrong. This is a king-sized understanding! Any events and situations depicted on channel DDD are purely fictional"

It was then thatTuff turned off the camera and (to my disappointment) it all seemed over.

-The next day-

Tiff read aloud from her journal;

"_Meta Knight was right-_,"

I glared at her, "And I don't get any credit for being right whatsoever? Yes, let's give all the credit to Meta Knight, who basically said everything I had said earlier except with a sexy Spanish accent!"

"Ok, ok, fine," Tiff said, "_Meta Knight and Lynn were right. You can't always believe what you see on TV. But Maybe the king has learned his lesson and will provide quality programming from now on…"_

"And if you believe that, I am now going into a career of selling lacy doilies,"

"I suppose you're right,"

"Aren't I always?"

"….No,"

"Well then," I grunted, shooting off another arrow, "_I _am going to find a decent place to wash the strawberries out of my hair. Have fun with your sick fantasies "

"I'll finally have peace,"

"Enjoy it while you can, because it's the last peaceful moment you'll have for awhile,"

_**Reviews are lovely. Flames will be used to keep my basement above 20 degrees! :D**_


	4. Curio's Curious Discovery

Curio's Curious Discovery

I snuck out of the kitchen, making sure there was no one in the hallways before I made my way to the balcony, making sure the pie I had baked would not slip from my grasp. I had made it just in time.

The Waddle Dee's horns were unnecessarily loud as I stood on the balcony directly above Escargoon, Sword, Blade, Meta Knight, Tiff, Tuff, Sire Ebrum and Lady Like, "Here ye, here ye citizens of dream land all rise and salute his most miserly, and righteous monarchy, the 17,052 ruler in his line, his highness, King Dedede!"

I resisted the urge throw the pie right then and there, but I didn't have a clear shot yet. Tiff glanced up at me, to make sure I was there. I gave her a thumbs up. I had let Tiff and Tuff in on my little prank, so they knew to step back. I would have pelted them with blueberry glop too, but I figured I owed them one for letting me into the castle and not calling the guards when they knew I was up to.

I then got a good look at Dedede. He was wearing so much faux gold that I thought I might get blinded… or vomit… or both…

On his head he wore a ridiculous gold hat with three spikes on it that kind of reminded me of something that I had seen from World of Warcraft. That might shield off some of the pie, but it would still be pretty messy.

Escargoon gave him the microphone and cleared him throat. _Wait for it,_ I kept telling myself, _All in due time_

"My unworthy subjects,"

_I'll show you unworthy_

"I'm tickled turquoise to see so many of you good-for-nothins come to kiss up to your king,"

_I was thinking more of a dark blue…_

Dedede glanced down at where there were supposed to be Cappys. All he saw were empty stands. I almost dropped the pie and kept myself from laughing.

"Where's my crowd?!" he blurted, and grabbed Escargoon, "There's nobody here!"

"Sorry sire I did what I could but you're about as popular as prickly heat,"

Ebrum and his wife were laughing, "When it comes to the legitimacy rule, your subjects object,"

"It was the Cappy Clan that founded Cappy Town, not the Dedede's," Tiff noted,

"Just cause some clown claims he's got a right to be king doesn't mean he does." Tuff continued

Dedede growled , "There's only one ruler in Cappy Town and that's me! King Dedede!!!"

This was my moment, "I beg to differ!" and I let the pie fall. I could see it happening in slow motion as Dedede's look of horror was covered up with rotted blueberries. I almost fell off the balcony myself I was laughing so hard. Dedede looked up to were I was, his face steaming with rage. However, he didn't see the culprit as I had ducked back into the castle and ran for it. Luckily, I came over to hang out with Tiff and Tuff so often that I knew my way out. Soon I was in the village, waiting to meet up with the two.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and spun around to see Tiff, Tuff and Kirby behind me, "I knew we'd find you somewhere around here,"

"Ha! That was great! Totally worth standing there for the past 10 minutes!" Tuff laughed

"Poyo!" Kirby seemed to agree, but he wasn't there, so Ididn't really see what he could be so happy about

I grinned, "Did I get any on the knights?"

"Why?"

"…Secondary target…" I said innocently

Tiff shook her head at me, "Why are you out to get them?"

"They need loosening up. They are too formal,"

"On account of the fact that… oh, I don't know _they're knights_?" Tiff scowled at me, "Now, are you going to help Mr. Curio and me out?"

I sighed, "Fine, I guess I owe you for letting me in and not snitching on me," that was the price I had to pay for my fun. Tiff and Mr. Curio were doing some weird archaeological dig or something and Tiff wanted Tuff, Kirby and I to tag along.

We had been in Kabu Canyon for about an hour, yet nothing had happened. Tuff had made a sandcastle and was playing on it with Kirby. I was sitting on a ledge, shooting practice targets. I was getting better, I had been at it for a few weeks, and the only reason I hadn't given up on it yet was because it was my only form of entertainment besides terrorizing the occupants of castle Dedede.

I heard Tiff talking to Curio, "Hey, Mr. Curio, d'you think this stuff will teach us about the history of the Cappy's?"

"Well, I'm learning about as much as if I had stayed home and watched Channel Dedede," I called down to them, "Are we done yet?"

"No! How can you _not_ be enjoying yourself? This stuff is really interesting!" Tiff shouted back, "Come down! You might find something you like!"

"No doubt the artifacts we've found here confirm my theories about the beginnings of Cappy civilization!" Mr. Curio explained, looking at a shattered rock through a magnifying glass.

"A rock?" I asked blankly

"An arrowhead," he explained

"We have about 400 of those in Peru's museum,"

Tiff shoved one into my hand, "Well then, when you go back home, this'll be an arrowhead from another planet,"

"… Is that supposed to make me find this interesting?"

"_You_ are the single most ignorant, annoying, smart-mouthed person I've ever met!" she said, pulling a camera out of her bag to snap a picture of the arrowhead.

"Don't forget lazy!" I laughed

Tiff glared at me, but turned back to Mr. Curio. While no one was looking, I slipped the arrowhead into my pocket. I watched as she held the camera to her face and tried to focus it, "Stay still. Wait… focus…."

_Crunch!_

Tiff fell through the dirt. For the second time that day, I couldn't control my laughter. Tears came to my eyes as I ran over to Tiff, my chest still heaving from laughter. I held out my arm and helped her up, "What was that?"

Tiff and Kirby were dancing around, laughing and pointing, "Haha! She fell for it! She fell for it!"

"Kirby! Go back home is you're gonna goof off!" she bagan chasing after them, her camera grasped in her hand as if she was going to hit them over the head with it.

"Who wants to waste time digging up lots of old junk?! We wanna have fun!"

"And you say I'm crazy for not having the time of my life," I said to her

"They're artifacts! Not junk!" Mr. Curio exclaimed

"It's artifactual junk," I corrected

"That's not ever a word!"

"Well it is now!"

"These _artifacts_ provide clues to our where ancestors came from and how they lived,"

"My ancestors were British that came over from Europe and worked as the owners of textile mills. _And_ I didn't have to dig up a single artifact to know that!" I retorted.

Mr. Curio looked like he was about to strangle me, but then he realized that I had a bow and a dozen sharp arrows, and he had a spade.

The both of us heard a thump and Tuff laughing. It didn't take Dedede to guess what had happened.

"Déjà vu,"

We walked over to where Tiff was covered in dirt and looked completely livid, "Having you for a brother is the pits!" she stabbed her trowel into the ground. It hit something that gave off a metallic clang.

"Huh?" she pounded her shovel into the ground again. More clanging.

"Woah, what's going on?" Tuff asked, surprised

"Mr. Curio, what is this?"

Curio suddenly looked very uncomfortable. It was so much fun watching him squirm, and I didn't even have to do anything, "Er… um… what sound? I didn't hear it?"

"Someone's going a bit deaf…" I said in a sing-song voice

Tiff began digging frantically, trying to get at whatever was below the dirt, "Well? Help me!" she got Tuff a shovel and threw a pick at Kirby, I caught the shovel that she handed me, but didn't do much with it.

After almost 20 minutes of digging, Tuff was laying on the ground, exhausted, Tiff was still digging, and Curio was silently freaking out behind me.

"Woah! Look at that!" Tiff finally shouted I went over to look and dropped my shovel, "Oh my god- Tiff you dug up a dead guy!" I shook her hand, "Pleasure working with you,"

"Poyo…" even Kirby seemed mystified at the crypt

"This must be the burial sight of the ancient Cappy King!" Tiff took a picture of the casket

"Or it could be an old corpse that was brutally murdered here and by digging up the body, you've unleashed a thousand demons that will haunt your soul FOREVER!!!"

Everyone stared

"You wouldn't last a minute with decent cable TV…"

"Well, whatever it is, we discovered it!" she looked thrilled, "I can't wait to tell everybody!" she ran off skipping like she had just won the lottery, Tuff and Kirby following. I trudged along behind them. I'll do a lot of things that would probably get me in juvenile prison and/or an asylum, but I am _not_about to wreck an old dead dude's grave.

"You mean there's an old Cappy King stuck in that stone box?" Kawasaki asked. Tiff seemed to have rounded up the entire village and they were all gathered like rats around the tomb.

"That's right!" Tiff said, I could tell she was bursting with excitement. I on the other hand, was sitting a good distance away from the thing. I hate to say this, but I _really _don't like dead people. Creepy beyond comparison. Like I was going to tell Tiff I was scared of dead people though. I would never hear the end of it.

"This is iron clad evidence that the Cappy Clan really did set up Cappy Town way back when!" Bookem said, also marveling at the tomb.

"…demons…" I grumbled

"Mr. Curio said so and this discovery proves it for sure!" Tiff gestured to Mr. Curio, who had the same nervous look that he had on before.

"Meaning King Dedede ain't really the king! He's nothin' but a big liar," Gengu noted

"And you are just now figuring this out?"

As if on cue, Dedede's jeep sped to a halt, causing everyone to scatter, "Hey! Move it or lose it yall!"

I knocked an arrow to my bow and was aiming it at the penguin's tires but I couldn't get a clear shot because he kept swerving, "Stop moving so I can shoot you!" I shouted

Surprisingly, he stopped, I shot the arrow, but it landed about a foot off so that all I managed to do was freak out Kawasaki a bit when the arrow landed right next to him.

"So, y'all show up when some ol' box gets dug up but you're no shows of my correlation anniversary?" Dedede fumed

"That's about right," I replied, "did you like the pie I made for you?"

Dedede turned red with rage and pointed the bazooka at me. In response, I pointed an arrow in between his eyes. Not so much threatening but it was all I could use, "You shoot me, I'll shoot you!" I called down to him. Quickly, I hopped down from my ledge and onto the hood of his car, "Where's your gun now?" My bow was still trained on his face, "Now, listen to the little girl and shut the hell up!"

"Thank you Lynn. And to _you _Dedede," Tiff scowled, "who needs a bogus king when we discovered a real Cappy rular?"

"You incinulatin' that I'm a phony?"

"This is tomb we dug up belongs to a _Cappy king_! Everyone knows for sure who really aught to rule Cappy Town!"

"That's hogwash! My clan took charge of these pots way before the first Cappy showed up in Dreamland!"

"If you're so sure, why don't you open that godforsaken box and we can watch as you get buried in dusty old rotted bones!" I yelled, "I _hope_ they're haunted,"

"Alrighty. I'm willin' to go break open this stupid old box!" He pulled out a mallet that seemed to have materialized out of this air and hopped out of the car.

With one fell swing, Dedede knocked the lid off of the casket. Everyone gathered around to take a look at what I would assume would be a creepy looking skeleton that would probably give me nightmares later. Oh, god I had no idea how wrong I was.

I covered my eyes, "Holy crap! It really is a demon!"

In a way, I wasn't joking. In the coffin was a skeleton resembling a large penguin with a crown and old mallet.

"Tha- that can't be right!" Tiff stammered, astonished

"I'm going to go home now and gauge my eyes out with a spoon…" I said, grinding my teeth

Escargoon shoved his way to the front of the mob and saw the owner of the coffin, "Whaddya know? That skeleton's a dead ringer for king Dedede,"

"No way, the living thing is _way_ uglier,"

"This means there wasn't a Cappy king in the good old days," Kawasaki said, disappointed

"There wasn't no good old days neither," Bookem agreed

"This makes my day!" Dedede said triumphantly, he and Escargoon laughed evilly

"This can't be right!" Tiff yelled at them

"You already said that," I sighed, "We know, even _I_ can figure it out for myself,"

"There's no doubt about it, and the artifacts prove it girly!"

Despite the impulse to get as far away from the bones as possible, I scrutinized them closely and ran my fingers over them, "Hey Tiff!" I shouted, "These are fa-," but I didn't get much farther, because Escargoom grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked hard, "Owowow! Leggo! Damnit! Let… GO!"

"Only if you shut up!" the snail growled

"Ok, ok. Just let go!" I glared daggers at him as he slowly let go of my hair, "Stupid snail…" I muttered under my breath

"It's a _cappy_tivating discovery," Escargoon mused, obviously trying to cover up my previous shout, "Very excellent work Curio,"

"We I um… um… uh…" the old man seemed to be at a loss for words

"And just to show you how magnificent I am, you Cappy's can help yourself to all the trinkets and treasures around here," Dedede announced

"Why? Did your ancestors use fake gold as well?" I laughed

Of course, no one listened to me (like they ever do, might I remind you of the TV broadcast I made last chapter?), all they cared about was getting rich. They scattered to go find a spot and get to work.

"I don't get it Mr. Curio, does this mean the Cappy Clan didn't really build Cappy civilization like you told us or not?" Tiff asked

"Um.. er… well um… it light of these remains in would appear that my theory was em… mistaken,"

"Stutter much," I asked skeptically, "An entire line of Dededes put together wouldn't have the brain power to start a civilization!"

I could practically see the steam rising off of his face, "You callin me a liar brat?!"

"As a matter of fact I am!"

To make it short and sweet, Dedede chased me around with the mallet for about 5 minutes before wearing himself out and leaned against the side of the casket, panting.

Our little argument was interrupted by Kawasaki calling out, "Hey! I found something! It's an old fashioned Halloween mask!"

"It's probably fake! Check for bar codes!" I shouted over to him. More and more people began finding creepy, twisted, Dedede- centric artifacts.

"This is like a nightmare I had once, except this is _so_ much worse,"

Dedede began doing a creepy waltz with the skeleton, "Help yourselves to whatever catches your fancy! It's a gift from the Dedede Clan!" he began singing

Mr. Curio sighed glumly and walked away, leaving Tiff, Tuff, Kirby and I to stand there in disbelief. I kind of wanted to tell him that the bones were fake (two years of high school biomedical science were good for something) but I also wanted to see how it would play out. Also, if I just spilled it to everyone now, I would have to wait until Dedede ordered another monster before I had any fun.

"Please don't let this get you down Mr. Curio," Tiff pleaded as we sat in Curio's shop

The old man paid no attention though, and ran a dust rag over some ridiculously old vase

"… you can always make new theories on Cappy history and I bet some of them could even turn out to be right," she tried

"Seriously, you're acting like just because this discovery didn't work out, it's the end of the world," I agreed, "Half the stuff I think probably isn't right and you don't see me acting all depressed over it!"

Curio remained silent.

"Besides, remember what you always say, 'The most important thing isn't to show you're theory's right, but to dig all the way to the truth,'" Tiff said.

"And that you can't have a decent saying without it having some overused pun," I joked

"Now we all know the truth thanks to your work,"

Curio but the vase down

"Oh my god! He moved!"

And then sat back down

"… Never mind…"

"I appreciate that Tiff," he said

Tiff, Tuff and Kirby gasped and got these _really _long smiles. I stepped away from them nervously.

"Maybe something good did come out of all of this. I mean, fellow Cappies _are_ more interested in our history now and I still have plenty of work to do," He walked over to us and placed the case on a shelf.

"That's right!" Tuff agreed

"Poyo!"

Curio reached into his pocket and pulled out the arrowhead that he had found today, "Thank you for all of your help," He gave the arrowhead to Tiff how gasped and looked at it as if it was a puppy or something

"You go on now," Curio said to us, "I've got something to do," his tone was sharp, which kind of made us jump.

"Ok, whatever. See ya later!" I walked out before the rest of them, leaving the three just standing there for a minute before following me.

I sat with the Ebrum family at their dinner table. A few weeks or so after I had fallen out of the sky and into Dreamland, Lady Like, Tiff's mom, seemed to begin to worry about my getting enough to eat since I didn't have a house or job or anything. So, once or twice a week, they invited me for dinner. Let me tell you, I wasn't complaining. That lady is a freakin AMAZING cook.

Tiff was sitting on the couch and, once I had finished and taken my plate up, I joined her, "What's up? You didn't eat like, _anything_,"

"She's brooding about those things she found in the dirt," Lady Like explained

"It is kind of weird," Tuff said, "the junk they found before was from the Cappies, now just like that, stuff from Dedede's clan shows up,"

I wanted to hit Tuff over the head with something. _Honestly, _Could these people be so dense that they didn't see what was going on right under their nonexistent noses.

"And then Curio verified that it was all authentic," Sir Ebrum noted

I couldn't take it any more. Grinding my teeth to keep from breaking something, I walked to the door, "Thanks for dinner. I appreciated it," and walked out, almost slamming the door.

I was halfway down the hall before I heard the door shut behind me. I turned to see Tiff halfheartedly jogging to catch up with me.

"So, any bright ideas?" I asked, adjusting the bow slung across my back

"There's something I want to check out," she said a bit darkly, "Come on,"

We reached Curio's shop and saw a light from a flashlight waving around.

"I _wonder_ who that is?" I said sarcastically, swinging my head in Tiff's direction. The girl was staring at her mouth wide open. Curio was attempting to drag a cart down the road to where the dig sight currently was. I knocked an arrow and gestured with my head for Tiff to follow me.

In Kabu canyon, we followed Curio into a tunnel that I swore hadn't been there this moring. The old man set lights out and began digging a spot for whatever was in the cart.

"What's he doing?" Tiff whispered

"If you'll use your eyes, you can see!" I said, pointing.

Tiff gasped as Mr. Curio pulled out a large stone carving of Dedede and shoved it into the hole.

"That _douch bag_!" I spat, glaring

Tiff pulled out her camera and quickly took pictures of the scene.

Tiff and I shoved our way through the crowd to watch chaos unfold. Tuff came up to us, "Where ya been! Mr. Curio found something real big! Look!" he pointed at the ugliest stone caving of Dedede yet. He still looked uncomfortable, and for that I was glad.

"That's one of Dedede's old ancestors all right! I'd bet my badge on it,"

"No way! It's too skinny!" I shouted back, the fuse of my temper burning out quickly

Tiff snapped as well, "Mr. Curio, let's talk," she growled, and led him away from the crowd. I followed of course, because I just love sticking around for these things.

"What's wrong? Where are you taking Mr. Curio?" Tuff asked, Kirby following

"Oh, have we got a story for you," I laughed bitterly

"What do you want to talk to me about Tiff?" he asked. Tiff said nothing, but held out the pictures that she had taken last night. He gasped and dropped one, which Tuff picked up, "Mr. C!"

"That statues a forgery. Mr. Curio buried it here last night!"

"Along with his dignity and self-respect,"

Tuff and Kirby glared

"Why would you do it Mr. Curio?" Tiff asked, her eyes pleading

He groaned, but didn't give a straight answer.

"Well then, I suggest you stop _finding _all of these _artifacts_ or else I can _guarantee_ that will get these pictures to the public," I threatened

He old man cringed underneath all of our stares.

"Keep the pictures and let us know," she said sadly, and the three ran off. I gave him one final glare and followed the kids. Unfortunately, Escargoon came around the corner leering at us, "Well, it seems as if you've found our little secret. And let's make sure it stays our secret," I shot and arrow at him, but it landed _way_ off target, "Damnit! What is _wrong_ with this stupid thing!" We backed up until we ran into Dedede, who was holding his mallet menacingly, "You're in the wrong place at the wrong time," They backed us up against a wall. I tried to slip out the side but Dedede caught my by a wrist.

"Let me go!" I screamed, and kicked him in the stomach. Of course, this did nothing because of all the belly fat he had, "I swear, I'm going to kill you and dance on your grave!"

Of course, we ended up tied up, gagged, and thrown in an unused room.

"Time to make your big speech Curio. Make sure the story you tell isn't true" laughed Escargoon

"Jus' like we rehearsed it," the two started laughing evilly

Mr. Curio looked over at us, as if debating on whether to let us go or to be a spineless coward and not do anything. I was shooting him the death glare as if to tell him what was going to tell him what was going to happen if he didn't let us go.

Of course, he left us.

We wriggled around for about 5 minutes before giving up on the ropes. I spotted my quiver of arrows a few feet from us and I began stretching my foot out to try to snare the strap. My foot hooked the strap and I pulled it up to my fingers, which were poking out of the bottom of the ropes. I sand as low as I could in my ropes to that my entire hand was poking through. I attempted to saw through the ropes with the sharp end of the arrows. I gave up after I broke like, 4 arrows with this method and sat there, thinking. Something poked me in the side. It was the arrow Tiff had given me. I dug my hand into my pocket and pulled it out. After about 7 minutes of sawing away, my ropes were untied and had ungagged everyone. But before I could start to get at their ropes, I heard a voice behind me, "Perhaps I can be of assistance?"

"Hello Meta Knight," I smirked, "Come to join this party, or do you just want to watch me struggle with the ropes?"

In response, he unsheathed his sword and cut through the ropes. Tiff, stood and rubbed her wrists, "Thank you Meta Knight," she caught and annoyed glare from me, "Thanks Lynn," I helped Tuff up, "Shall we go spoil Dedede's day?"

We walked out onto a ledge overlooking the crowd of people. We heard Dedede yelling, "It's those photos that are phony!" It doesn't take a genius to tell that Curio had showed them the pictures

"There's only one phony here and that's Dedede!" Tiff shouted

"Bu-bu-but how'd you twerps escape?!" Dedede shouted

Meta Knight appeared, holding the rope that he had used to tie us up, "You've done a low down thing your highness. Holding these kids captive because they wanted the truth,"

"Kids?" I muttered, looking up at him, "Do I look like a kid to you?"

"No, you are something much worse,"

I shrugged, "I can live with that,"

Everyone turned to Dedede and and glared at him with utmost hate

"Why do you deserve to be our king after you threatened Mr. Curio and lied to us all?!" Tiff shouted angrily

The crowd was in an uproar, and Dedede was getting even angrier, "You all can't toss me out like chewed up chewin' gum! I got a secret weapon!" He made an exaggerated gesture at his rock- self, "The Dedede stone!"

"… What was that supposed to do?" I stared laughing, "Ooooooh it's a rock! I'm terrified!" I had a huge Cheshire cat style grin on my face.

That's when the stone started growing. Everyone scattered as the stone grew to abnormal size and crashed through the room where the vile thing had originally been discovered. We grabbed Kirby and ran for our lives, "Stupid! Stupid ugly living rocks!"

The stone had finished growing and was now a 50 foot resemblance to Dedede. It's eyes were glowing white as it let out a roar that caused us all to clap our hands over our ears.

"Hey! Look!" Tuff pointed to the Dedede Stone's head. Sitting on it were Dedede and Escargoon, laughing their oversized heads off.

"Where's the TNT when you need it?!" I groaned

I don't know how, but we were able to hear Dedede from up on top of the rock, "Hey, Dedede Stone! Why don't we go crushify all those crummy Cappies!"

The monster complied. Everywere it stepped, a new crater was formed.

"Hey, where's Mr. Curio?" Tiff asked, looking around for him. We finally found him, pressed against the side of a wall, pickaxe in hand.

"Oh, please don't tell me he's going to try to destroy that thing with a _pickaxe_," I rolled my eyes

He ran up to the Dedede Stone, who almost crushed him into a yellow smear all over the dirt

"Mr. Curio!" Tiff called and came running to the old man. But the foot came down again and she lost he balance.

"Tiff!" Tuff shouted

"Poyo!"

I looked up, "Oh shit…" I whispered when I saw an immense foot feet from crushing us into putty, "Not exactly my ideal way to die…"

Dedede laughed, "One small step for me. Stop on em'!"

The stone came down on us. I was ready to feel all my bones crack and break under the pressure of a thousand tons of rock. The sensation never came.

I peeked from between my fingers to see Meta Knight holding up the foot with his sword, "Run," he murmured. I grabbed Tiff's wrist and I pulled her out of the way of a giant foot.

I laughed in relief, "Did I ever mention how much I love that guy?"

Tiff stared at me, mouth agape, but Tuff wasted no time, "Kirby! Suck up that Dedede Stone on the double!"

No matter how much the little puffball inhaled, nothing seemed to happen except that it put Meta Knight under more strain. He stopped, breathing heavily, "Poyo… (gasp) poyo…"

"Come on!" Tiff shouted

"Don't give up!" Tuff added

"Don't kill yourself!" yelled

Kirby tried again, but to no avail. However, Mr. Curio ran up to the Dedede Stone with his pickaxr again, "If Kirby can't stop you then I will!" he struck the stone's foot with the pickaxe.

"Curio, you trying to pick a fight? Hahaha!" Dedede shouted down the Cappy.

The shards from the Dedede Stone spiraled through the air and were inhaled by Kirby. He spun into the air and adopted a hat that kind of looked like a samurai hat and turned a brownish green.

"…How'd that happen?" I asked

"It's the shard. When Mr. Curio struck the Dedede Stone," Tiff explained

"He's Stone Kirby!" Mr Curio exclaimed

"You're all finally catching on…"

Kirby bounced off of the side of the canyon and then off of the Dedede Stone. Somehow, this managed to knock the monster over, with Dedede and Escargoon still on it, much to my pleasure. Meta Knight put away his sword as the monster fell over onto its back. Now, it looked like one of those dolls that walk by themselves, even when tipped over, their legs still move.

"Way to go, Kirby!" Tuff shouted, jumping into the air

"Poyo! Poyo!" Kirby chirped, but, of course, the stupid rock could,'t figure out how to die and pulled itself back up. It picked up Kirby and began to squish him in between his hands.

"Oh no!" Tiff cried, but right beside her were Dedede and Escargoon, who were cheering on the monster. I picked up a stone and walked up behind them, "I have just about had it with you two!" I growled. I rose the stone above my head. They cowered in fear… from a 14 year old… but hey, it's a 14 year old with a rock. For your information there are a lot of violent things a 14 year old can do with a rock.

I threw the rock down. Hell no I wasn't going to kill them. I don't kill, I just scare. It landed on Dedede's feet and he howled in pain.

"Well, now that that's finished," I sighed, dusting off my hands, "Kabu! Send the Warp Star!" I shouted

Nothing happened, I was just attracting unwanted stares from everyone.

"…Uh… Tiff! Tell Kabu to send the Warp Star!"

Tiff complied, and off in the distance, we could hear Kabu, "Warp Star!" and the sound of the Warp Star speeding towards us.

Kirby somehow managed to get out of the Dedede Stone's grasp and jumped towards the Warp Star. He fell short, and went plummeting towards the ground. His ride caught up with him right as he was about 3 feet from crashing into the earth.

Kirby flew around the Dedede Stone like an annoying fly, and the monster made jerky swipes at it, but Kirby was too fast. Kirby flew high into the air and changed into an actual stone. I big, pink, fat stone with to black lines for eyes. The Warp Star couldn't hold Kirby up, so it dropped him. Right onto the Dedede Stone. He went all the way through it. In one end and out the… erm… other…

The Dedede Stone cracked and crumbled all around us thousands of pounds of bricks were falling around us.

"Yeah uh… guys?" I said, snapping Tiff and Tuff out of their victory dance, "If you don't want to get like, crushed by the raining bricks, we might want to oh, I dunno, MOVE?!"

We got to a higher ledge, out of the way of the falling debris, and I watched, amused, as Dedede and Escargoon were buried in falling bricks, "Now, if only they could stay buried,"

"But they won't" Tuff agreed

Kirby had returned to normal and was standing happily on top of the pile of bricks. He seemed oblivious that he had just toppled the moving equivalent to a mountain.

"So, should we dig them out Mr. Curio?" Tiff asked

"They can dig themselves out!" he spat, "I'm through digging up fakes, especially dangerous ones. I'd rather stick to real artifacts that reveal true history. If that's ok with you,"

"What kind of question is that? You already know the answer!"

Tiff nodded

"Hey, maybe me and Kirby can give you a hand sometime Mr. Curio," Tuff said

Tiff and I laughed, "You and Kirby?"

Tuff looked nervous, "Uh… unless there's more important stuff like playing games," he laughed, "Kirby! Let's get going! We don't wanna miss dinner!"

Kirby floated up to join us, and right as he landed next to us, I saw Meta Knight, looking all mysterious and crap in front of us. He watched us for a bit, then, with a swish of his long and annoying cape that I just wanted to step on, he left.

-Later that night-

"Hey Lynn!" Tiff called up to me. I jerked awake and looked down from my try groggily, "Wazzamatter?"

"I wanted to ask you something," Tiff said, smirking a bit, "about Meta Knight,"

"I will _not_ play matchmaker for you,"

"That's not it. It's about _you_ and Meta Knight,"

I almost fell off of the tree limb I was on, "I will give you a 30 second head start before I come down there and give you a serious beating!"

"Don't deny it. May I remind you of the 'Did I ever mention how much I love that guy' comment you made earlier today?"

"Man, I love anyone who saves me from being crushed under a giant foot," I explained, "Seriously, that has got to be the #1 worst way to die,"

"Well, fine," Tiff reluctantly agreed, "But what about your comments about how sexy his voice is?"

I felt a red flush creep into my cheeks, "And you're telling me it's not? I'm only telling the truth! That doesn't mean I love the guy!"

Tiff could see she was needling me, but she kept talking, even under the possibility of me wringing her neck, "Is that why you always tease me about liking him? Because you won't admit that you do?"

I jumped down from the tree, walked over to Tiff, who was now looking more and more like a scared rabbit. I squeezed the back of her neck, which caused her to cringe, "Let go! I hate when people do that! Lynn, I'm serious!"

"Then take back everything you said," I said in a eerily calm voice, "that it was just a huge lie to annoy me and you're getting revenge for every time I tease and/or make a snide remark in your direction,"

"Ok! OK!! I take it back! I was lying! I was LYING!!!"

I let go of her neck, and she rubbed it, sighing, "You're crazy,"

"Why thank you! I plan on being the Mad Hatter for Halloween!"

"… Mad Hatter?"

I rolled my eyes, "You have GOT to be kidding me…"

_**Well, the ending I just decided to put in because I got a review about a MetaxLynn pairing, and I decided that I might do one, but it wouldn't be anything serious.**_


	5. The Fofa Factor

**Wow, I did a bad job on this chapter. All this procrastinating for this gimpy little bag of crap? Sorry. However, I tried (and failed) to make it up by doing another little post-episode scene. To the one who requested this (I'm pretty sure it was Kirby 163) I'm sorry this tuned out badly.**

The Fofa Factor

I strolled down the halls of Castle Dedede, attempting not to get lost so that I could go visit Tiff. Of course, Dedede would never allow '_peasants_' in his castle, so I had found alternative ways to sneak in.

I passed Dedede's throne room, being carful to remain quiet so as not to be thrown out. However, when I heard Fololo arguing with Dedede and Escargoon, I pressed my ear to the door to listen.

"Well, now I want you two to make like oil and water and split up!" I heard Dedede shout

"Sorry," I heard the twins say in unison

Dedede growled, "DO WHAT I TELL YA! I'M THE KING AROUND HERE!"

"We answer to Sir Ebrum your Majesty," Fololo said, his voice quavering

"Yes, and to Lady Like too," Falala finished

This time Escargoon butted it, "Maybe so, but you're servants, not relatives! They can't save ya if the king decides to toss you out of the kingdom!"

"You do as I say and split up! Or both of you is banished!" Dedede ordered

I dug into my pocket and pulled out a paper and pencil. I just so happen to forget exactly how I got a hold of a paper and pencil, but… well… whatever…

After scrawling something onto the paper, I folded it up and walked into the throne room, "Dedede! Here's your fortune! Mabel sends it to you complimentary so she won't have to see your ugly face!"

I wasn't sure whether I was going to get away with the comment unscathed or not. Dedede was fuming with anger. He seemed almost unable to speak, so Escargoon spoke for him, "Listen missy! I remark like that could just give you a 1-way ticket to the dungeon!"

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger," I said, giving him the paper. After that, I ran like hell, tripping over myself because I was laughing. I forgot to say what I had written on the paper. It was pretty stupid, and probably the single nicest thing I have ever done (or will do) for Meta Knight, but I can live with it, '_You will be struck by a flying ice cream truck if you don't stop being a stingy douche bag and give Meta Knight a raise'_

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I made it to Tiff's place and found Fololo, Falala, and her sitting outside on the balcony. I happened to hear Tiff say, "Throw you out? Why?"

"The king wants Falala and me to split up," Fololo said glumly

"Even when he knows Fololo and I do everything together!" Falala exclaimed

Tiff sighed, "King Dedede sticks his beak into everybody's business, doesn't he?"

"You're determined to be depressed, aren't you?" I said, sitting on one of the battlements

That's when we heard shouting from inside, "Ebrum! If we don't teach Tuff discipline, who will? We _are_ his parents!!!"

We came up behind Lady Like, "That's right Lady Like," Falala said, "You are Tuff's parents…"

"But where did we come from?" Fololo finished

Ebrum and Lady Like suddenly looked very awkward, "Well, you see, one day a rather large stork popped by and-,"

"In you're dreams dad," Tuff laughed,

Tiff pulled on her mom's dress, "Why don't you just tell us the truth mom? We can handle it,"

"Trust me, if you knew the truth, you'd wish you hadn't," I began laughing. I knew this question was going to pop up sometime during my stay, and let me tell you, I was enjoying watching the two adults squirm.

"Well, we found them in a patch of reeds, sweetie…" Lady Like explained

"Yes, the same place we got you and your brother from," Sir Ebrum agreed

"Oh, this is too rich," I smirked

"That's baloney! Where'd they really come from?!?!" Tiff screamed

"Whoa, calm down Tiff, trust me, you do _not _want to know. I know trusting me often leads to physical and/or mental pain, but this time, its vise versa,"

Ebrum and Lady Like turned their gaze to me, "Um… Lynn will tell you darling. Won't you dear?"

"Wait… WHAT?!" But I didn't have any time to protest before they shoved me and the others out the door.

Everyone looked at me, "Well?" Fololo asked, "Where do babies come from?"

I fidgeted. Under any other circumstances, I would tell them and watch them look at me in disgust, but then, I really didn't want to break the secret to the miracle of life to them. Unfortunately, Iremember when my parents told me about it, I could hardly look at them for about 2 weeks.

"I'm not telling you. You'll get more of an answer if you asked Sword and Blade, so don't even bother," I almost laughed at the thought of them actually asking the knights

"Ugh, whatever. You're just trying to annoy us," Tiff huffed, then she smiled, "Oh well, I'll just look it up in the library later,"

"Remember, I'm not responsible for any mental scarring that may occur soon after…"

Tiff let out a short laugh, "Ok, ok, I've been warned, now let's go do something interesting,"

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"Hey Rick what's u- oh my god!" My jaw dropped when I saw Rick and Tokkori. To put it bluntly, Rick had Tokkori's body and vise versa. I didn't much care about Tokkori- he's more annoying than Tiff, but in my opinion, Rick is pretty cool and I actually almost felt bad for him.

"Uh, you guys look a little mixed up, "Fololo said, concerned

"Ha-ha! They got the right heads but the wrong bodies!" Tuff laughed, I glared at him

"No, kiddin' Columbo!" Tokkori snapped

"A monster mixed us up!" Rick explained

Of course.

"Wait. What monster?" Tiff asked

"Dedede's Monster! And Kirby's gotta make him change us back pronto!"

"I'm fed up with having feathers!" Rick complained, "We need Kirby!"

"Calm down, jeez, you're almost as bad as Tiff,"

That's when we saw Kirby rush out of the castle, his mouth taped over.

"A dream come true…" I sighed

I was too busy being gone to the world that I hardly noticed when Fololo and Falala pulled me out of the way of a raging mechanical monster going straight for Kirby.

The monster swung a staff with a crescent moon on the end at the puffball, and Kirby dodged it, made a stupidly impossible jump over the monster, and proceeded to bounce off of Dedede's jeep right back at the monster. I cringed at what happened next.

There were now two Kirby's. A boy and a girl. They lay next to each other, seemingly asleep.

"Well," I heard Escargoon say, "I guess we all have a male and female side to our personalities,"

"Try it again Slice n' Splice! Keep carving up those Kirbies until they're Ker-bliterated!" Dedede shouted

The monster happily complied.

"We'll stop them!" Fololo and Falala shouted in unison. In my mind, I could hardly imagine those shrimpy little puffs going up against that _thing_. But it turned out that right as Slice n' Splice swung one of his staffs at the Kirbies; they scooped them up and carried them into the castle. Of course, we chased after the thing (like we had any other choice)

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Tiff, Tuff and I split up in order to find the Kirbies, Fololo and Falala. Of course, I was wandering the hallways, completely oblivious to where I was.

Just then, 5 figures shot past me. The 2 Kirbies, Fololo and Falala, and Splice n' Slice. I chased them, and managed to grab onto the monster's leg (against my better judgment… or lack thereof). It turned and loomed over me. That's when panic surged over me. My mind was racing, and my feet were frozen to the floor, unable to move. That's when the moon staff came down. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt.

(I'm switching to 3rd person now to make my life a whole lot easier)

Meta Knight raced through the corridors of castle Dedede. The monster that the king had ordered was surely causing havoc and he needed to be there to observe Kirby and possibly help if he was truly needed.

That's when he came upon 2 people standing in the hallway. His eyes widened.

The two Lynn's were polar opposites. The female Lynn was the most surprising. Just by looking at her, you could tell that the true Lynn would have _hated _her. She had curly blonde hair that seemed perfectly brushed, unlike the real Lynn's hair, which was messy, had black and red coloring, and spikes that stuck up everywhere. The female Lynn was wearing a long purple dress that seemed to sparkle every time she moved. Her lips were colored pink with lipstick and she had light blue eye shadow.

The male Lynn was like a more extreme version of the really thing. He had a long black mohawk that stuck up high above his head, several piercings, and was smoking a cigarette quietly.

"Lynn?" Meta Knight asked, he almost laughed, comparing these two to the Lynn he knew.

"I suppose you could call us that," The male Lynn said in a gruff voice, "But I'm not Lynn. I'm Luke," He gestured to the female Lynn, "She's Lindsay,"

"I see…" Meta Knight said, "You two need to become one again. Follow me," He walked up to Luke, "And by the way," he took the cigarette out of Luke's mouth and stepped on it, "No smoking,"

When Meta Knight turned back around to lead them towards the monster, Luke gave him the finger.

The two Lynns followed the knight to the castle roof, where Kirby (who had been changed back into his old self) had just inhaled the moon rod and adopted at hat with a stupidly sharp razor on the end.

"Excuse me," Meta Knight muttered to the two, and hopped up onto one of the cannons, "Kirby has transformed. He is now, Cutter Kirby,"

This caught Tiff and Tuff's attention. They also noticed Luke and Lindsay.

Lindsay waved, "Um… hi Tiff. Hi Tuff,"

Tuff blushed, "Tiff? Why is Lynn all pretty now?"

"I think they got split! Just like Kirby, Fololo and Falala!" She glanced over at Luke, "That's certainly part Lynn,"

"Yeah, we get the point, we're split. Now, if any of you care, your little friend is beating the snot out of a robot," Luke pointed to Kirby, who had just used the cutter on his hat to chop off one of the monster's arms.

"Ew, that's… kind of… weird…" Lindsay flinched.

"Oh, suck it up, Lindsay!" Luke snapped, watching Kirby as he used his cutter to chop the monster clean in half.

Everyone cheered, that is… except for Meta Knight and Luke.

"Hey! Knife boy!" Tokkori called

Both Kirby and Luke turned around

"I meant the little pink one! Seeing as how you cut up that monster, how 'bout doing a remix on ol' Rick an' me!"

"C'mon Kirby! Elsways I'll have to build myself a nest for the night!" Rick called

Kirby stepped forward, causing both Rick and Tokkori to flinch.

"Just to it Kirby," Tiff said sternly, holding the sun rod.

Kirby threw the razor at the two animals. Everyone looked away. That is, except for Luke, "Awesome,"

With the sun rod, Tiff joined the two back to their original bodies. They cheered and danced around and laughed, hamming it up as much as they could.

Tiff turned to Fololo, Falala, Luke, and Lindsay, "Ok, now lets get you guys back together,"

"Luke and Lindsay can go first," Falala said, looking over at the Lynns

"Thanks a lot," Lindsay smiled.

Without further ado, the sun rod came down on them.

(Back to first person)

I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me.

"Whoa, what happened?"

Tuff started laughing, "Ha-ha! You should see your face!"

I touched my hand to my lips, feeling something sticky and oily on them, I looked at my hand, "OH MY GOD I'M WHEREING MAKEUP!!!"

Tuff was rolling on the floor, "This is priceless! I wish I had a camera!"

Tiff chuckled, "I have to admit, you do look kind of weird Lynn,"

I scowled and folded my arms, "Shut up and get on with it,"

"Right, do it Tiff!" Fololo said, holding Falala's hand

"Get ready!"

Just as she was about to conjoin the two, Splice n' Slice exploded, and, because fate just likes to mess with us, the sun rod crumbled into nothingness.

"Well, that was anti-climatic,"

"Tell me about it," Tuff said, "It's too late to use it now, the sun rod bit the dust,"

"And Kirby is dancing on that dust. Ironic, isn't it?"

Tiff looked downhearted, "I'm really sorry we couldn't put you guys back together again,"

"That's okay!" Falala said happily, "We may have two bodies…"

"But we got one heart!" Fololo finished

"And you managed to get in the daily sappy moment as well. Good job," I sniggered

"Poyo!" Kirby puffed up, floating in the air

"Kirby! Say thank you! If it wasn't for Fololo and Falala, You'd still be two Kirbies!"

Kirby deflated

"You just have to ruin every happy moment that crosses your path with either morality, or getting frustrated with Kirby for no logical reason!"

Tiff scowled, "I liked Lindsay better. She seemed actually, well, _nice_,"

"Sorry, not familiar with the word,"

Fololo turned to me, "Lynn, why is it that, while Falala and I are so alike,"

"Luke and Lindsay war complete opposites?" Falala said

I shrugged, "Split personality, I supposed. Without the prissy Lindsay side, I might be in prison,"

"More like an asylum," Rick joked

I blew a raspberry in his direction.

-Tiff's room-

"TIFF! IT WON'T COME OFF!!! WHY IS IT NOT COMING OFF!?!?!?!" I cried, scrubbing my face with the washcloth Tiff she had given me. I was feverishly trying to scrub the remainder of the blue eye shadow off of my face.

"Calm down Lynn. I'll ask my mom if we can borrow her makeup remover," Tiff left to go find her mom.

"Ask for some turpentine and a wire scrub brush while you're at it!" I called after her.

_Knock Knock_

I pulled open the door and saw Sword, Blade and Meta Knight standing outside in the corridor, "We heard screaming and-"

Tuff popped up beside me, "She can't get her eye shadow off,"

The three scrutinized me. Meta Knight's eyes turned pink. Sword tried to disguise his laughter as a coughing fit. Blade leaned up against the doorpost, unable to remain standing without assistance as he had just used up all of his energy laughing.

"Do you find something funny?" I asked stiffly, my voice dangerously calm

"Of all the people to wear makeup…" Sword managed through his laughing/coughing fit

"I wonder what you would look like in lipstick, eyeliner, nail polish and a bra?" I said, my teeth bared

They knights stopped laughing.

"That's what I thought," I said, "Now, goodbye," and slammed the door in their faces.


	6. Escargoon Squad

**You would not believe how much fun I had making this chapter! It was a bit hard though, since, like The Fofa Factor, it centers mostly on Dedede. This **_**is**_** better than the Fofa Factor though, so I hope you like it! **

My eyes snapped open as something hit me over the head, _hard._ I pulled myself into an upright position, causing a rock to roll off of my stomach and onto the grass. I glanced at the ground and found Escargoon standing under my tree, another rock at the ready.

"Someone better by dying because I do not appreciate waking up to you!" I growled, reaching for my bow and arrows. I had become a pretty decent shot, hitting at least _most_ of my targets dead on.

"Listen missy, I could put you in the dungeon for a remark like that, but since I'm looking for your help, I _might_ cut you some slack,"

I laughed, "My help? _Someone_ forgot their meds this morning!"

"I'm not in the mood to be insulted, you little brat, I have to take the king's picture in half an hour, and I'm not exactly in the mood for another head trauma!" He looked particularly livid now, which made the situation even funnier, "Besides," he continued, "the help I require seems to fit your expertise,"

Eyes gleaming, I hopped down from the tree, so that I was eye level with the mollusk, "So, what do you need my help with again?"

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The night was foggy, giving it a fairly eerie look. I was apparently supposed to wait until Dedede and Escargoon neared the drawbridge before acting. This was most likely the first time I actually had permission to be in the castle. I was savoring the feeling of not having to run from every authority that patrolled the castle. In fact, I was almost too busy spacing out to realize that the jeep I was waiting for was coming up the hill.

Almost tripping over my own feet, I sprinted to the lever that activated the drawbridge and pulled it down. I heard the sound tires spinning and Dedede and Escargoon shouting as they rolled around on the drawbridge as it rose up. I laughed till I almost cried when I heard the crashing sound of the jeep doing a nosedive to the ground.

I peered over the battlement, watching Dedede and Escargoon brush themselves off, "The drawbridge never done that before…" Dedede moaned, rubbing his head. I smirked mischievously

"Maybe that's the ghost's way of saying 'boo',"

"There ain't no ghost!" Dedede yelled at the snail, but both became ridged with fear, (well, false fear in Escargoon's case) as they heard rustling coming from inside the dark castle. The figure seemed to becoming closer and closer to the two. That's when they let out a blood-curdling scream.

Waddle Doo stepped out of the shadows.

_Anti-climatic much?_ I thought as the guard approached them, "I'm glad you're alright sire,"

"SOME GUARD YOU ARE!!!" Dedede bellowed, causing the small creature to jump

"With an eye like that you should look out for the king!" Escargoon put in. As much as I hated to admit it, the guy was actually a _really_ good actor. God strike me down where I now stand.

"I'm sorry sire but it wasn't my fault!" Waddle Doo apologized, "Somebody must have sabotaged the drawbridge!"

I smiled to myself. Of course, Waddle Doo was in on the trick as well, which is why I wasn't arrested a moment after coming into the castle.

As I listened to Escargoon pretend to chew Waddle Doo out, I felt a chill, like someone had just dropped an ice cube down the back of my shirt. I turned to see what had caused the sudden chill. I turned dead white at what I saw.

A ghost. An _actual_ ghost was floating in front of me. My teeth began to chatter as it drifted ominously towards me. First it was two feet away. Then one. Then six inches. Then 2…

The specter passed through me. I cannot even begin to describe what that feels like. It's like, someone dropping you in an ice bath with electric eels. My hair stood on end and my teeth began to chatter. I broke out in a cold sweat and my limbs were frozen. I'm not sure if being necrophobic includes being afraid of ghosts as well as dead things, but this was still pretty freaking terrifying.

Apperantly I wasn't the only one who saw the ghost. I heard Dedede's screams of terror, but the pleasure of that wasn't nearly great enough to wash away the unimaginable terror that I was feeling the aftermath of.

Soon, after about 5 minutes, I regained control of my limbs and walked (rigidly, mind you) towards the door that led into the castle. I planned to give Escargoon a little talking to.

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I backed the snail against the wall, my expression furious, his terrified, "What do you want Lynn?" he asked, his voice quavering

"Our agreement was that we scare the king. Not that I would be scared shitless by an actual ghost! If you intend to call Nightmare Enterprises for help, then the least you can do is prep me first!"

Escargoon looked at me skeptically, "What makes you think that we have access to Nightmare Enterprises?"

I rolled my eyes, tempted to punch his teeth out. Yeah, all four of them, "Oh, I dunno, maybe the fact that this village has been attacked by a monster about every other week?!"

"First of all, you have no reason to blame that on us!" Escargoon snapped, "And second, there's no ghost! You're the ghost, so stop scaring yourself! I can only handle so much of your insanity!" and before I got a chance to utter an insult or even slap him around a bit, he bustled off to catch up with Dedede, leaving me, infuriated and still a bit scared (though I would never admit it) in the middle of the hallway.

I decided to go visit Tiff. Of course I was going to keep my mouth shut about the whole thing, as she would most likely freak out and give me a lecture about how mean I am and how possibly could I have sunk so low as to team up with Escargoon.

I ran into the entire Ebrum family as I was jogging through one of the larger hallways. They were talking to Dedede and Escargoon, who obviously in a less-than-pleasant mood.

"We-we've seen a-," Sire Ebrum stuttered before being cut off by his wife, "A galloping goblin!"

I pressed my hands over my mouth to hide a snort of laughter. As soon as I get back to earth, I'm going to have to use that phrase in a sentence.

"What's she talkin' bout?"Dedede asked, a trace of fear coming into his voice.

"It sounds rather silly and it could have a perfectly logical explanation-" again Ebrum was cut off by his wife, "We saw a ghost!!!"

Now Dedede looked truly terrified. Escargoon glanced my way, but said nothing.

"Uh… maybe it was just a pigment of your imagination…" Dedede said, sweating a little

"And maybe you need to learn _enunciation_," I said the last word slowly, even then seriously doubting that Dedede had just understood what she had just said.

"Who say what now?" Dedede asked, hardly bothering to pay attention to what I was saying, "I don't care about what you have to say, Lynn! Don't yall know there's a ghost roaming 'round here?"

"Really? Interesting," I said flatly, a smile pulling at the corner of my lips, "Has anyone else been as paranoid as you about this?" I wasn't about to admit that I had quite possibly seen said ghost, so I played on Dedede fears.

"But Lynn," Tiff said, her voice a bit curious, "I saw it too!"

I raised my eyebrows at this. I hadn't gotten the chance to torment the little girl yet, it had been on my to-do list tonight.

"I heard footsteps," She explained, "Like someone was following me…"

I realized that that could very well have been me. While looking for the staircase that led up to the drawbridge lever, I had heard footsteps in front of me. I had put it off as one of the guards or something along those lines. So I turned a corner so as not to be seen and went off in the other direction.

"Then, out of nowhere, I saw a ghost floating towards me, moaning eerily. I've never been so scared in my entire life!"

I turned to Escargoon, fixing him with a look that said '_what now, old man?'_

"I saw the spook too!" Lady Like cried, putting a hand on her cheek, "I was sitting by the television, minding my business, when the shutters blew open. When I went over to pull them shut, the ghost was floating outside my window!"

Escargoon, grinded his teeth, obviously unwilling to believe my story before.

"I hade a rather disturbing encounter myself, sire," Ebrum explained

"They should put you guys in 'The Exorcist'"

"The Exorcist?" Tiff asked. I would have bet money that Tiff probably knew what an exorcist was. But it irritated my on so many levels that, if I mentioned an earth-made movie, no one knew what the hell I was talking about.

I listened impatiently to Ebrum's encounter with the ghost. Something about being attacked by wine bottles. Dedede laughed uncertainly, "I see what this is about! I move out and you take over the castle!"

I rolled my eyes, "Dedede, if we wanted you out of the kingdom, we would have thought up a much simpler plan. One involving an ice pick, honey, and 426 cans of silly string…"

Everyone stared.

"I feel all alone right about now. Go back to arguing, it's much funnier!"

"Sire," I heard an all too familiar Hispanic accent cut off the conversation. Meta Knight stood atop one of Dedede's many repulsive gold idols. Whether to make himself feel taller, or whether he just had an obsessive love of heights, I'll never know, "With all do respect I find it hard to believe that you are not involved with these paranormalities,"

Dedede all but went insane, "It ain't me! I get spooked by spooks!" he turned to me, outrage etched across his face, "I bet it was Lynn! This sound like something she would do!"

I felt all eyes on me yet again. I caught Escargoon's pleading stare bore into me. As much as I wanted to dump salt on him, I wanted to put Dedede in discomfort even more, "Don't look at me! I like ghosts about as much as you guys! As far as I'm concerned, it's just another plot against Kirby!"

"This ain't a plot against nobody! And there ain't no ghosts since there can't be no such a thing!"

"But then what was it that flew in my window?" Lady Like huffed

"Why were those bottles floating?" Ebrum crossed his arms

"There's a ghost here!" Tiff concluded

"BOO!!!!"

This caused everyone (aside from Meta Knight) to jump out of their skins in fright. Dedede screamed like a little girl, "AAAAAHHHHH THE GHOST IS AFTER ME!!!" and ran down the hall as fast as his stubby little legs would carry him, Escargoon cast me a scathing glance (because he knew he couldn't do anything about me) and hurried down the hall after his king.

I clutched my sides, heaving with laughter. Tiff recovered from the shock, and began to chuckle as well. Ebrum and his wife were obviously trying to hide their smiles, attempting to set a good example for Tiff. Of course, with me around, that was a really hard thing to do.

"Well, that was cleansing," I sighed, breathing deeply, "I should probably go. See ya later Tiff,"

"Lynn! It's pouring outside!" Lady Like, put a hand on my shoulder, "You are going to stay the night here! At least until it stops raining,"

I shrugged, "Sure. Works for me,"

"Sire Ebrum and Lady Like," Meta Knight interjected. I had almost forgotten he was still there, "I would like to speak with Lynn in private, if you please…"

My stomach turned over. I imagined that if Meta Knight wanted to talk to me in private, it would be like talking to Shaun Robinson's parents after I punched their kid in the stomach. Not pleasant and full of accusations.

"Of course Meta Knight," Lady Like complied, "Lynn, you know where we are when you're finished,"

"Great," I sighed, "See you later,"

When the family had left, Meta Knight approached me, "Lynn, I have a feeling that, if not Dedede, you are behind this '_ghosts_',"

I put on a face of fake surprise, "I am shocked and appalled that you would accuse me of such a thing!"

"Lynn, I have no patience for your antics at the moment. Are you behind this or not? There could be serious consequences for tormenting the king like this,"

Antics and insanity. I feel so loved.

"I'm not behind this," I wasn't even sure if I was lying or not, "I'm not even capable of this. I'm even afraid of dead things--," I slammed my hands over my mouth, muffled swearing coming out from behind my hands.

"You are a necrophobe?" he asked curiously, his eyes misted pink and chuckled a bit, "you out of all people,"

"Shut it!" I growled. I was as mad at him as I was at myself. He was being a pompous, egocentric, show-offy prick!

"I apologize," Meta Knight said, "It must be a sensitive topic for you—"

"You are really pushing it!" I warned, "I'm not sensitive about it, I just don't prefer shout out what I'm afraid of to everyone!"

"Of course not," I could see that he was trying to take back what he had said. Let me tell you he was doing a pretty bad job of it, "It's just that, with a personality like yours, I would have expected something else,"

"Well then," I said, my voice so calm I almost scared myself, "It appears that you don't know everything, and that, my dear knight, I'm sure surprises both of us. And, with that, I sprinted out of the room, down the hall to Tiff's place. I half expected him to follow, but he stood there, completely dumbfounded. I consider that a major accomplishment.

I elbowed open the door, ready to greet Tiff in a sarcastic manor, when I realized that I had gone through the wrong door, into a storage closet.

"Oh, crap…" I muttered as I knocked over a bottle of cleaning solution. I felt the walls for a light switch, my hands running through cobwebs and over the handles of brooms. I ran into a large metal box. As my eyes adjusted to the shadowy closet, I recognized the box as a circuit breaker. I grinned. Now was the perfect time to torment the occupants of this castle even more.

I randomly ran my hands over all the switches in the breaker, shutting the lights off instantly. I snickered as I turned them on again. Then off, then on, then off again and so on. I heard screaming coming from the room across from me. I face-palmed. I sneak into this castle near every day for about 2 months and I _still_ can't find the stupid door!

I shoulder open the door and find the entire Ebrum family looking absolutely terrified. Tuff ran up to me, "Where were you? The lights kept flickering on and off! It was _really_ creepy!"

"Yeah, I noticed," I faked nervousness, grinning uncertainly, "Maybe there really is a ghost around, huh?"

"What did Meta Knight want?" Tiff butted in, "You were gone a pretty long time,"

"He accused me of stealing Sword's helmet and replacing it with a banana," I lied

"That's mean, Lynn,"

"Thanks. I love you too,"

Tiff shook her head, yet again questioning my mental stability.

A knock on the door made all of us jump. I opened it to see Escargoon. I didn't open the door all the way, so that Tiff and the others wouldn't see who it was, "Lynn, you're needed again. Bring Tuff while you're at it," he almost whispered. I nodded, and turned back the Ebrum family, "I have to do something," lamest. Excuse. _Ever, _"Tuff, you want to give me a hand?"

"You bet!"

We both followed Escargoon out into the hallway. Now that I saw more of Escargoon, I saw that he had Fololo, Falala and Kirby with him. Tuff looked from me to the snail, "You and Escargoon? What the heck?"

I explained the night's events to Tuff. If I could see his face, I would have laughed at the shock on his face, "That was you doing all that?"

"Yup. You look so surprised," I sniggered.

"Listen ya brats we're running out of time. I still have to explain the plan to you," Escargoon returned our attentions to him, "Now, here's what we're going to do…"

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Tuff and I threw sheets over Fololo, Falala and Kirby. Since they could fly, they would make the perfect ghosts.

I peered around the corner, checking for the signal from Escargoon. I watched as he opened the door, snuck out and quietly shut it. He glanced at us and gave us the thumbs up.

"Ok guys, let's do this," I nodded to our three 'ghosts'. They rose up into the air and rounded the corner just as Dedede burst out of the bathroom, obviously looking for Escaroon. They were actually pretty convincible for bed-sheet ghosts. They floated towards the terrified penguin, who was running as fast as he could down the hall.

"Well, time for part 2," I rubbed my hands together in a clichéd evil fashion, "TO THE DUNGEON!!!"

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Dedede was chained to a table in the dungeon. His eyes flickered and the color drained from his face as soon as he realized where he was. He started screaming incoherently. That was the signal to begin the torment.

Tuff gave a thumbs up to me and Kirby. Kirby waddled off to tell Fololo and Falala to start the axe.

I stepped onto a huge axe, strung up next to me. I was covered in flour, supplied by the Waddle Dees, to give me an eerie dead look.

The axe started swinging. It swung dangerously close to Dedede's stomach, almost cutting into him.

"AAAAHHH!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE I'M A GONNER FOR SURE! AAHHHAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!" I emitted a drawn out laugh, one that reverberated against every surface.

"L-l-l-lynn?!"

"That's right," I said, using the same voice I had used with Meta Knight, only this time I had adopted a madcap grin that caused me to look even more terrifying if I do say so myself, "Do I look good in white?"

"H-how'd you d-die?"

I help up one of my wrists, which had a dark line drawn across is, "I shouldn't have been playing with knives. Trust me, it hurts more than you think it does,"

"W-w-why are you goin after me?"

"Is that a trick question?" One of the (fake) walls fell in on Dedede, courtesy of Fololo and Falala, "You have been a selfish pain in my ass since I've landed in the colorful trash bin, and I'm not exactly happy about it. Tormenting you is the least I can do before I head to the good ol' heated basement,"

That's when our other lovely effects started to set in. Those of which involved skeletons controlled by Tuff, and Fololo, Falala, and Kirby as the ghosts.

Our awesomeness was apparently too much for Dedede, since he passed out.

"Uh oh," Tuff muttered taking a look at the king, "He was so scared he fainted,"

"That's not worthy of an 'uh-oh'," I scowled, jumping off the axe as if swung to a stop, "That was our goal! Don't go and 'uh-oh' me!"

A dark laugh interrupted my rant, "Good work team," Escargoon stepped out of the shadows, "A trick like that deserves a nice treat," He reached into a burlap bad he had with him and pulled out a few lollipops. He handed everyone one, except for me.

"No candy. You know the price for my service," I held out my hand. Escargoon sighed, "Right, right. I place in the castle. Just don't tell the king, ok?"

"Kapeesh,"

The lights turned on. Standing there was Tiff, her mom and dad, and, oddly enough, Meta Knight.

"What's going on guys?" Tiff asked loudly

"Kirby?"

"What are you all doing here with Escargoon?

Everyoone suddenly looked very awkward, Escargoon sweatdropped.

"It seems we have found our 'ghosts'" Meta Knight said from atop one of our fake walls.

"One of you had better explain," Ebrum looked angry, an emotion that he obviously wasn't very familiar with.

Escargoon looked at his feet (or lack thereof), his eyes watering, "Alright. This, was my revenge,"

"What do you mean?" Tiff asked, almost sounding concerned

"King Dedede thinks it funny to frighten me because I'm such a scaredy snail. He's always doing something to drive me-," I shook his head, "crazy!"

"Well that's tragic, isn't it?" Sir Ebrums face softened

"I planned out every single detail," he started to monolog, "Like tampering with the kings camera, paying the fortune teller, booby-trapping the bridge, even offering Lynn a place in the castle so that she would help with all of this," That last statement sent a cold chill throughout the room.

"It appears that you were able to _shamboozle _us all Escargoon,"

_Must… refrain from… making a jab… at his… accent…_

"By jove, you certainly had me believing in ghosts," Ebrum mused

"Tuff! I'm ashamed of you!" Lady Like scolded

"Aw, come on! King Dedede's always doing stuff to scare us! Why shouldn't we scare him?"

"Poyo!"

"Well, I guess bad _things_ happen to bad _kings_," everyone laughed except for me and Meta Knight, "Ugh, puns,"

"You sure had me shakin'" a voice sounded from behind him, this caused Escargoon and Tuff to jump out of their skin, "Sire!"

"You went through a whole lot of trouble, and you got me good,"

"I think we've addled his brain," I said cautiously

"Addled?"

"Yes Tiff, addled,"

Dedede looked over at Escargoon, "I never should of pulled on those scary tricks on you. All this is my falt,"

"Really?" Escargoon asked in disbelief, "Can you forgive me, lil' buddy?"

Escargoon started crying, "Buddy!" (yes people, this actually happened in the real episode)

"Why don't you undo these chains so I can give you a hug!"

"The stink of kindness is overpowering,"

Escargoon pulled a key out of nowhere and unlocked the big padlock keeping the chains together, "There, you're free. Now let's put this whole mess behind us,"

"My chum," Dedede grinned, "Or should I say my chump," Within seconds he stood up, towering over Escargoon. I could actually feel anger radiating off of him, "NO BODY MAKES A FOOL OUT OF KING DEDEDE,"

Let's just say I was the first one to run away…

"YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE GHOSTS WHEN I CATCH UP WITH YOU!!!"

"That's never gonna happen fatso!!!" I yelled as I rounded a corner with Escargoon, Kirby, Fololo and Falala.

That's when the ghost showed up again.

It passed right through Dedede. This caused me to stop and backtrack. So I _wasn't_ crazy.

"I do not understand," Meta Knight mused

"Wow, today is just not your day, is it?"

"Oh, shut up,"

"Wow, someone's starting to get some spunk in them," I grinned, "I should give you a prize. Would you like a fruit basket?"

"Uh, guys?" Tiff asked

"What?" We asked in unison

"I think you should pay attention to this,"

We both turned our heads towards the ghost, who was slowly creeping towards the king, "Pay what you owe,"

We followed the two to Dedede's vault, where Dedede opened the door and started throwing out sacks of money. The ghost caught a sack of the money and floated away

"A gold digger ghost?" Escargoon asked, again, we followed the ghost, who was moving annoyingly fast.

We followed it to the throne room ,where the transmitter was lit up. The ghost floated to the transmitter and disappeared with a flash of blue light. We rushed to the TV screen, "What's this all about?" Escargoon asked the screen, where the Salesman had appeared

"Overdue bills," he said simply, "King Dedede owed us big time and this was the only way to collect. Ta-ta,"

The room was silent for a moment. Then Tuff said, "Wow Escargoon, looks like your tricks cost the king a lot of money,"

"Hey he deserved it! Life ain't all a free ride kid ya gotta pay for everything!" Escargoon scolded

An odd sort of chuckle caused us to turn to the door, "That's right Escargoon! Now you gonna pay big time!"

He ran at the snail, who emitted a rather feminine scream and darted out of the door, followed by the overweight penguin.

"Well that was expected," I sighed, "Seriously, 4kids isn't exactly good with coming up with different endings,"

"4kids?" everyone standing in the room asked in unison

"Oh crud…"

**Oooooohhhhh!!!!! Non-suspenseful cliffhanger! Don't you just love em? **


	7. The Pillow Case

**Hello my dearest readers! I think it's about time I updated, don't you? The next two chapters after this one will be ones that I myself have been wanting to do, and then I'll make it to the next request because, like a said in the first chapter, I'm trying to keep this in order. So, without further ado….**

The Pillow case

"CHANNEL DDD!"

"Shut up!!!" I yelled, throwing my pillow at the TV screen. My new (and secret) room in the castle was down near the dungeons, which meant that I could be as loud as I wanted without Dedede overhearing me. Of course, living in secret from our oh-so-loveable king meant that I usually had to sneak food from the kitchens when Tiff's family didn't invite me up for dinner, and steer clear of any waddle dee's that might be patrolling the area, given the fact that Dedede had instructed them to attack me on sight and, while they weren't much of a threat, they did impede one's journey to the kitchens.

"It's time for everyone's favorite comedy show. The crazy comedy duo of Kirby and the King!" Dedede's fat blue face leered at me from the TV set.

"Well the crazy part's true enough," I muttered, "Comedy? Not so much,"

"So tell me Kirby…" he pulled a pink and badly beaten Kirby plushie, "You been havin' pleasant dreams Kirby?"

"Uh-uh," the fake Kirby said

"So Kirby are you tellin me here, that everybody's favorite pink pal ain't been snoozin all peaceful-like?"

"Uh-uh,"

I scowled, "Well then that's his problem. No need to broadcast it,"

"Well ain't that a crying-out-loud shame," He had this creepy forced smile on his features, making it look as if he was trying to resist biting the plush's head off at any moment.

"Kirby and me want to tell ya that it's important to have sweet dreams, therefore ("Congrats. You learned a two-syllable word") we here at channel DDD…"

"Have an offering for a limited time only," Escargoon shoved his way onto the screen, "this magical healthy and happy D-lightful dreams pillow!" he held up a polka-dot pillow

"How's floral print supposed to cause me to sleep better?"

"When you nestle your weary noggin on this D-lightful dreams pillow, sweet visions of sugar buns is gonna be dancin' in your head, right Kirby?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Oh, Tiff's gonna be thrilled with this," I snorted with laughter, "I should probably catch up with her, so that she has someone to bitch at,"

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I nearly collided with her outside of Meta Knight's room, "Oh, Tiff! Fancy seeing you here,"

"Did you see the TV?"

"Unfortunately," I almost had to laugh. She looked outraged at the fact that I wasn't freaking out about a pillow as much as I apparently should

"Well?" she looked as if she could throttle me, "Don't you think it's a bit suspicious?"

"And that, my dear Tiff, is why I am not going to go get one. It's a very simple answer to the problem at hand,"

"Well I'm going to go talk to Meta Knight! He'll probably agree with me!" She stormed into Meta Knight's room, where he was sitting in a small wooden chair while Sword and Blade were sitting on the floor in front of him; all of their eyes were set on the screen.

"It's another trick!" she said in a shrill voice, leaving me in the doorway and running up to Meta Knight (without legs I didn't see how this was possible but hey, it's cartoon logic), "I just know King Dedede's plotting something. Those pillows sound spooky to me!"

"Ah yes," I sighed, strolling casually up to Tiff, "A 'magical healthy and happy' pillow sounds absolutely terrifying; yes, forget the fact that we're attacked by a freakish monster every other week. Let's lose our heads over a _pillow_,"

"You may be right Tiff, but Lynn has a point," Sword and Blade turned their heads in his direction, both mine and Tiff's mouths dropped open, "Just because Kind Dedede has tried to trick us in the past, does not mean he is trying to trick us now. Perhaps he is turning over a new leaf,"

"Could have had a V8," I chuckled, "and by the way, I didn't say that, I said that we shouldn't freak out over a pillow. But there is something seriously wrong if you put 'Dedede' and 'free stuff' in the same sentence,"

"Well, the only way to know if there is something fishy about these pillows is if we try them and see,"

"We're guinea pigs. Fun fun fun,"

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Well. That dream was… interesting.

First night on the D-lightful Dreams pillow and I've had a dream about the giant octopus that Kirby had to fight my first day in Cappy Town eating all of the mayor's sheep. It wasn't a nightmare really, but it was just… weird. Ah well, waking up at 2:30 in the morning and staying awake was not my forte. My eyelids were beginning to feel heavier and heavier. My head fell back down onto the pillow, which was oddly lumpy, but who cares? I was tired….

_Tiff, Tuff and I all ran into the throne room to see Dedede._

"_Kirby!" Tiff shouted, but the king knocked Kirby into the air. The little thing was getting the crap beaten out of him._

_Ebrum and Lady Like ran in from out of nowhere. "Look its Kirby!" The man asked, "He's getting creamed by the king!" the woman finished. Apparently no one here can finish their sentence without help._

_Dedede tried to hit Kirby again but just ran into a wall. A little star fell out of his pocket and rolled towards us. Tiff picked it up._

"_Get away!" we heard someone shout, don't ask me how Meta Knight managed to shove all three of us out of the way of a falling pillar and still keep his cape wrapped around himself._

"_Thanks." I said, spitting out a mouthful of rubble, "I take it you're with us?"_

"_Look out!" Meta Knight said sharply_

"_O…k… not exactly the answer I was looking for." I said, but then looked to where he was pointing and saw a huge octopus sitting on the top of a little fish tank. It got bigger and bigger until it was about a hundred times its original size._

_I just stared with my mouth agape. I… hate… this… show…_

"_That's the monster that ate all the sheep!" Tuff yelled_

"_Yes and now it has taken control of the king!" Meta Knight said_

"_Really?" I said sarcastically, "I hadn't noticed!"_

_The octopus burst through the ceiling and curled its tentacles around the castle turrets and towers._

_Tiff, Tuff and I started running through the castle, trying to find a way out. One of the Giant tentacles was following us with rapid speed. Eventually it caught up with us and knocked us to the ground. It blocked us, leaving no where for us to run. So I shouted at the top of my lungs, "I HATE FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!"_

_But Kirby jumped in front of us, "Great, now I feel so much better," I said, my voice cracking out of trying to be sarcastic when scared out of my wits. I had watched Animal Planet. I knew how squids ate their dinner._

"Must destroy Kirby… must destroy—wait—WHAT?!"

I shook myself, realizing that I had just had another Kirby related nightmare. My second one that night… the night I got the pillows!

I pulled the pillow out from under me, "I knew nothing good could come from floral print!" I said, hurling it across the room. A grunt came from where the pillow landed. I whirled around.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!" I yelped. Meta Knight, Sword and Blade were all standing in my doorway, holding their pillows, "Exactly how like have you been there?"

"We arrived just before you voiced your opinion on floral print," Sword said matter-of-factly, he and Blade exchanged looks, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that they were grinning at each other

"Lynn," Meta Knight said urgently, "Everyone who has slept on these pillows is now out to destroy Kirby!"

"Déjà vu," I sighed, sliding out of bed, "I suppose you want to warn Tiff and Tuff as well?"

"Yes. And then we must go and rescue Kirby."

"Again," I muttered, then let out an ever bigger sigh "Well then, what are we standing around here for? Tiff and Tuff are two floors up man!"

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"I knew it!"

"You knew that these pillows were hypnotizing, demonic, balls of fluffy death?"

"Well, in a manner of speaking," Tiff flushed

"Meta Knight, what's going to happen if Kirby slept on one of those pillows?" Tuff cast a worried look in our direction

The knight's eyes turned a freakish shade of green. Give the man an overhead projector and a stage, and he could be a 60's concert lightshow!

"Let us hope he didn't. Come!"

"We are not dogs! We know where to go,"

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"Hey everybody!" Tiff shouted at the small mob forming around Kirby's house, "Hey!"

"Your words are falling on deaf ears, Tiff," I noted, "Which means you have to speak up a bit…" I filled my lungs with air, "HEY! QUIT STALKING THE CREAM PUFF AND TURN AROUND!!!!!"

Tuff chuckled, "That was awesome,"

"Merci,"

The crowd had turned around. Their eyes made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Their eyes glowed _green_. And, while I wasn't freaked out as much when Meta Knight's eyes did that, because, of course, he's Meta Knight and can do anything except stand-up comedy, I was 98.4% sure that the Cappy's eyes couldn't do that under normal circumstances.

"This is the cause of your unpleasant dreamings," ignoring the grammatical error, Tiff, Tuff Meta Knight and I all threw our pillows (it might have been prudent to mention that we had all brought our pillows with us, but hey, nobody's perfect) into the air. Meta Knight unsheathed his sword and jumped into the air as well.

"Well now he can fly too. Fan-freaking-tastic,"

He chopped open the pillows. And, instead of normal pillow fluff, a small creature in a Santa-esque hat rolled out. They same thing happened with Sword and Blade's pillows (turns out they can fly too)

"I should have known. Noddy,"

"No, you are,"

"_Noddy_. A dream monster. Or should I say, _Nightmare _monster,"

"For monsters, these things are adorable," I picked one op by the hat which, strangely enough, didn't come off. Meta Knight gave me a _look_. If you are, or have ever been a teenager, youknow what _the look_ is.

"So it was monster's that were making everybody want to get rid of Kirby…" Tuff mused

Sword got out his, well, his sword, "We've got to take back those pillows,"

I sniggered, "Wow, very manly Sword,"

Blade walked up to me, "Dalkdhdrjqdckjea," and pointed his sword in my general direction

"Um… English?"

"Blade, this is not the time. We have other manners to attend to," Meta Knight said firmly

Meta Knight glided up to Dedede, "Hand over the pillows sire,"

"This entire episode is just one giant jab at the knights' masculinity, isn't it?" I said to no one in particular

"Here you go," Escargoon said lamely tossing the pillow on the ground

"INGRATES!"Dedede swung his pillow at Escargoons head

"ANIMAL CRUELTY!!!" I said, wacking Dedede squarely on the head with as pillow that Meta Knight had not slashed open yet.

…Never mind.

Soon, the entire field was covered in Noddy's.

"Anyone have a Pokéball?"

But, before anyone could raise there hand (I could have sworn I saw Kawasaki's hand twitch), The Noddy's randomly bounced off in the direction of Whispy woods and disappeared.

"Thank goodness that's over," Bookem said, exasperated

"But where's Kirby, Chief?" Tiff started looking around

"Don't tell me he slept through that entire ordeal!" I rolled my eyes and followed Tiff over Kirby's house. Tokkori opened the door, "Kirby? He's been sound asleep than this morning!"

"Are you serious?!" I facepalmed

"Asleep?!" Tiff shouted, "But did he—"

"Don't worry, he didn't use the dream pillow, I did! I'm the one that got the nightmares!"

"Oh, well we're so sorry about that," I said mockingly, "Would you like a tissue?"

"Well, if you're offering…" but a mob of people shoved past him into the small house.

"Lucky little lump," Dedede snarled. He appeared to be stuck in the doorway

"The only luck we ever have is bad," Escargoon agreed

"Good thing Kirby didn't sleep on those pillows or else he would have had a nightmare like us!" Tuff laughed

"And wouldn't that have been a tragedy," said yours truly

"Well then let's send your little Star Warrior pal on a trip to Nightmare land," Dedede pulled out one of the pillows (I don't know how this is possible, seeing as how Meta Knight slashed the last pillow. I grabbed it out of his hands, "I'm burning this later," I said to him, before shoving my way out of Kirby's house.

**Welcome my friends, to the AFTER EPISODE!!!**

(Who doesn't love 3rd person?)

No matter where he looked. Meta Knight could not find a single Noddy in Cappy Town. They had all seemed too dispersed into the woods. And, while he would never say this out loud, there was no way in hell he intended to search the entire woods.

"_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves__  
__ Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:__  
__All mimsy were the borogoves,__  
__ And the mome raths outgrabe._

_Beware the Jabberwock, my son!  
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!  
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun  
The frumious Bandersnatch!"_

_He took his vorpal sword in hand:  
Long time the manxome foe he sought --  
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,  
And stood awhile in thought._

_And, as in uffish thought he stood,  
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,  
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,  
And burbled as it came!_

_One, two! One, two! And through and through  
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!  
He left it dead, and with its head  
He went galumphing back._

_"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?  
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!  
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'  
He chortled in his joy._

_`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves  
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;  
All mimsy were the borogoves,  
And the mome raths outgrabe._

That voice sounded familiar. But it couldn't be—the voice he was hearing was so nice, sliding over the nonsense words in perfect rhythm.

"_How__ doth the little crocodile_

_Improve his shining tail,_

_And pour the waters of the Nile_

_On every golden scale!_

_How cheerfully he seems to grin!_

_How neatly spread his claws,_

_And welcomes little fishes in_

_With gently smiling jaws!"_

It was Lynn…

"Lynn?"

He dodged a black shoe.

"You didn't hear that! You are not going to tell anyone about this!" He saw that her face was bright red, even in the light of the crescent moon.

"Why are you embarrassed?" he asked, picking up her shoe and handing it to her, "You are a beautiful poet,"

She stood there a minute mouth, agape. For a minute Meta Knight though she was going to throw her shoe again.

"Th…thanks…"

"Did you write those?"

She laughed, "Oh, no! I'm not nearly that good a poet. No, those were written by Louis Carroll, he wrote a book that I kind of like,"

"Dare I ask?"

"Alice in Wonderland,"

And, calmly and incredibly un-Lynn-like, she explained patiently the story of Alice.

"Interesting,"

"I suppose,"

"So, you were reciting poetry from that book?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Nothing. You just have a very pretty voice,"

Lynn almost fell off the cliff, but caught herself just in time, "You, _you_, think _I _have a pretty voice?" she frowned, "You're lying, I know it,"

"I am an honest man. Lying is not in my nature,"

"Ok then. Why where you out here?"

"I might ask you the same,"

She wagged a finger, "Ah, ah, ah. You first,"

"I was searching for any Noddy's that had not escaped into the forest,"

Lynn sighed, "Well that's boring. I couldn't sleep,"

"Are you always out here?"

"Only when I think that no one else is out,"

Meta Knight was silent for a minute. And then, against all odds, he sat down next to Lynn. She stared at him, as if wondering whether this was really Meta Knight, "Acting a bit casual tonight, aren't we?"

"What do you think of when you look at me? I thought I already knew the answer, since you voice your opinions so often, but I'm beginning to think otherwise,"

"You really want to know was I think when I look at you?"

"Very much,"

"I think…" she thought a minute before grinning, "that one day, your cape is going to get caught in an airplane propeller,"

Meta Knight stared at her, "I should have known,"

"And me?"

"You?"

"Yes, me. It's not a difficult question, Meta Knight. I answered yours,"

The knight was still a minute, apparently thinking, "I think that you are kinder than you let on,"

"That was kind of sappy, but please, explaine your theory," she imitated a therapist, with one foot folded over the other, listening intently.

"You care about Kirby, however you may deny it,"

Her eyebrows ascended into her spiky black and red bangs. Actually, if one looked close enough, the red appeared to be fading to a sandy blonde, "Interesting," she grinned in a madcap sort of way, "And while we're being honest with each other," her voice shook with laughter, "I think your voice is kind of sexy,"

His eyes turned bright pink. A sound came from him. Was it laughter? No, it couldn't be. This is Meta Knight we're talking about here.

"Really?" Stranger than his laughter, this remark sounded almost… causal.

"Yes," she sighed, "I admit it. I like… your accent," it sounded as if it almost pained her to say this

"Thank you. I did not know I had one,"

"Oh honey, you defiantly have an accent," she chuckled, "Most people don't know if they have one or not, so don't begin feeling out of it,"

"Out of what?"

"…Good question," she shook herself, "Anyhoos, you're accent is in fact,(and I can't believe I'm saying this aloud) sexy,"

"Thank you,"

"Um… you're welcome?"

Meta Knight looked back at the castle, "I should go back up to the castle, Sword and Blade will be wondering what is taking me so long,"

"And why aren't your lovely pair of stalkers with you tonight?"

"I told them I could move more quickly alone. And, if you would do me a favor…"

"Which would be?"

"Please, as you would say, _'take a break with the insults'_ (Lynn laughed despite herself). I fear you may drive them mad, if you keep doing so. They aren't exactly fond of you,"

"You mean they hate me?"

"…very much so,"

"Ah," she stood, "Well then, I will, as you say I would say _'take a break with the insults'_,"

He started walking towards the castle, but stopped, "By the way," he didn't turn around to face her, "How did you get out of the castle?"

"There's a secret passageway leading out of the wine cellar, which is really close to my room,"

She could see Meta Knight was about to say something, and she cut him off, "And you will not find a bottle of wine out of place. I've tried wine; it's not my thing,"

But Meta Knight was no longer there. He had disappeared while Lynn was talking.

"Lovely, glad I spend half an hour talking to _you_,"

**Well that should please you Meta/Lynn fans for awhile. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE POEMS MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER. ALL THE GENIUS IS THAT OF LOUIS CARROLL**


	8. A Fish Called Kine

**Thank you all so much for the websites! Unfortunately, when I tried them (and yes, I did try ALL OF THEM) all I found were Hoshi no Kaabii episodes (I was looking for the English dub) or they wouldn't work (I have a PC. Cut me some slack!). So in the end, I am going to use Hoshi no Kaabii episodes, unless the dubs are available.**

**I've been waiting to do this chapter since I started this fic! YAYZ**

**P.S. If you look at how long I've been working on this, you'll notice that it is probably already past Lynn's birthday, but In Kirby time, something episode-worthy happens every other week, so that's kind of how I planned this out.**

A Fish Called Kine (The Fish who loved me)

Tomorrow's my birthday. Weird. I'm 15 already?

And how was I spending the day before my 15th birthday you might ask? Sitting on a beach, collecting sea shells with Tiff. Fun fun fun…

I originally wasn't going to spend my time looking for shells with an 11 year old. Originally, I was going to go swimming, but as soon as I had gotten to the shore, I saw an ominous black fin sticking out of the water. Now I may not be in any AP classes, but I'm not a total dunce. And then, because I am _so_ lucky, Tiff came by and started looking for shells.

"Lynn! Come over here and look at this!!!" her voice sounded from the other side of the outcropping reef that I was sitting on, "This shell is amazing!"

I sauntered over to her, not exactly interested in shells. Although, as I stared at the shell in her hand, I had to admit it was impressive. It was pure gold, and fit perfectly into Tiff's palm.

She opened it up, and on the inside, there was what I assumed was a message written in a foreign language.

"Oh Lynn! It's written in ancient Cappy-glyphics!"

"_Someone likes Tiff_," I whispered in a sing-song voice

"You don't know that," she said, pocketing the shell, "but I'm going to go home and translate it!" and she rushed off, leaving me alone on the beach.

Something splashed near the shore. I glanced suspiciously at where the sound came from, and tip-toed over.

I was somewhat disappointed.

A large blue fish with yellow fins and a wide mouth was swimming happily in the shallows. I sighed, "You know," I began, "Maybe I could have sushi for my birthday dinner…"

The fish halted in its place, stared at me in what I could only assume was horror, and darted off.

"Weird…"

**-Kitchens of Castle Dedede-**

"Lynn!"

I yelled in surprise and dropped the apple I had just taken a bite of, which bounced, oddly enough before rolling under the fridge. I whirled around to see Tuff, standing the doorway with Kirby, "Tuff! I'm trying to eat here! What do you want?"

"I want you to come with me to the beach,"

"No thank you. Been there, done that. Get your sister to do it,"

Tuff sighed, "She's the reason I want to go to the beach!"

… Insert dirty joke here.

"She acted really suspicious when I asked her why she was going to the beach so late and got mad when I started asking questions. I think she's up to something,"

I paused, "Tiff? Up to something? That can't be right; she's too much of a goody-two-shoes!"

Tuff groaned, "I know! C'mon! Let's go see what's up!" and against my better judgment, I followed.

**-Ocean-**

I had nodded off again (I didn't get much sleep last night and I was extremely bored just sitting in the sand) as Tuff, Kirby and I sat behind a rock, waiting for Tiff to do some thing. Tuff was watching excitedly as his sister paced through the sand, the shell in her hand.

"Soon I'll know my sister's secret!" Tuff said enthusiastically

"Good for you. Trust me, I'm as excited (yawn) as you…" my head drooped as I fell back asleep

I was elbowed, "Lynn! Wake up, and keep Kirby away from that crab! We're trying to be quiet!"

I yawned again and grabbed Kirby's arm, dragging him onto my lap, "C'mere you…"

"Poyo?"

We heard Tiff sigh, and I peeked over the rock to see Tiff looking at the shell, "The letter in this shell is so romantic. I wonder if it was someone's prank?"

I got a looked from Tuff, "Did you write my sister a fake love letter?"

I scowled, "What? No! I'm too lazy to carve a dead language into a shell!"

It was then that we heard the voice.

Oh, that voice.

The most annoying, loud, sharp-pitched voice I've ever had the misfortune to hear, "Tiff!!!"

We all looked over to where the voice came from, and saw something splashing in the water. I pursed my lips, "No way…"

A large blue fish, the same one I'd had seen this morning, was hopping around in the water, smiling happily at Tiff, "Good Evening!"

Why does everything on this godforsaken planet have to talk?! Now I can't eat it!

"You finally saw the letter I wrote in the shell, didn't you?"

Tiff's eyes went wide as she dropped the shell. I snorted with laughter at her face. Tuff elbowed me, hard.

"Tiff, I've been waiting for so long!"

…Insert second dirty joke here.

Tiff was quiet for a moment, looked around as if expecting someone to jump out with a camera and yell, "YOU JUST GOT PUNKED!!!"

"You're Kine?"

"That's right!"

"B-but the writing?"

"I can write in Cappy-glyphics," Kine said simply

I furrowed my eyebrows, "But it's a fish! It doesn't have thumbs! _It doesn't even have fingers!_ It makes no sense!"

"Since when do you care?" Tuff asked, obviously annoyed that I was talking over the conversation transpiring between Tiff and Kine.

"So, what do you want with me?" the girl asked, still unsure

"Well, you're always looking for shells on the beach," he began, "I guess you must like nature?"

Tiff suddenly looked very smug. She put a hand on her chest, "Yes! Marine Biology is one of my hobbies, why do you ask?"

"Um…" the fish suddenly looked very awkward indeed. It ducked back underwater for a moment, and seemed to swim in a few circles before popping back up and practically yelling in her face, "BECAUSE YOU'VE STOLEN MY HEART!"

Every single strand of Tiff's hair stood on end. Her mouth went wider that what should have been anatomically possible, and screamed, equally as loud, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!"

I couldn't control myself. I let go of Kirby, I fell backwards in an uncontrollable fit of pure hysteria. I could hardly breathe as tears began streaming down my face. Tuff was right beside me, laughing almost as hard.

"Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!" I gasped between waves of laughter

"This is too perfect!" Tuff agreed

Tiff spun around to face us, "Lynn! Tuff! How long have you been there?!"

I stood up and walked over to her, still hiccupping in laughter, "Long enough, Tiff. Long enough. I must say, this show has taken a strange bestial turn during my stay here

I looked at the fish, "Hullo," I said, putting on my most evil smile

The fish screamed and swam further out, "Ah! Help! She's crazy! She's gonna eat me!!!"

"Eat you?" Tiff gave me a withering look, "Is that true?"

"Well," I dug my foot into the sand, "It was before I knew he could talk,"

"You're horrible, you know that?"

"I _do_ try my best,"

"Well Kine," Tuff, sensing a fight, turned the conversation back to Kine, "It's pointless no matter how many love letters you give her,"

Kine ignored this fact, "Lover of the seas, Tiff. Let's live together in the ocean!"

If I had been drinking tea, I would have done a pretty impressive spit-take. Tiff had a similar reaction, she screamed, her pony tail defied gravity, and she fell backwards

"Is there a problem?" Kine asked innocently

"'_Is there a problem?'_ Indeed," I said to the fish, "Aren't you a fish?"

"Is there something wrong with being a fish?"

"What she means is," Tiff took a deep breath, searching for words to explain _why_ she could not date a fish, "I can't breathe under water! If I can't breathe…" she said all this very quickly. She sighed again, brushing her bangs out of her eyes, "Listen. The environments you and I live I are too different,"

I smiled sweetly, "Oh, and not to mention the fact that_ it's considered morally and ethically wrong on so many levels!!!_"

"There are always obstacles when it comes to love,"

"Yeah, such as rejection,"

Tuff pointed at the fish, "Sis, since he's insisting this much, how about giving up and being his girlfriend?"

"Actually," Let it be known that I change my mind outrageously quickly, "This should pretty funny,"

"Poyo-Poyo!" Kirby chirped

"Be quiet!" she hissed, "The three of you!" and she turned to Kine, still looking slightly angry, "Well Kine, if you can get on land, I'll think about it,"

"Brilliant maneuver Tiff. I'll have to remember that the next time a starfish starts looking at me funny," I snickered.

"Good bye!" she said to all of us, and stomped off, muttering under her breath

"C'mon Kirby, show's over," Tuff frowned and left with Kirby, who was bouncing along happily beside him.

Once they had left, I leaned over the water, "You're not all that bright, are you? I mean, can you live on land?"

He gave me The Sad Eyes.

"That won't work Kine. I'm immune to it," I had started to walk away before Kine shouted, "Lynn! Wait!"

Cue a sigh, "What now?"

"My friend Joe—he's a shark—wanted to know if you'd like to double date with Tiff and I?"

All the color drained from my face and the bottom dropped out of my stomach, "…" I stared at him, eyes wide and lips pursed, "N-no," I stammered, before sprinting as fast as I could from the beach. I heard Kine in the distance, "Joe! It's a definite maybe!"

I groaned loudly, and wanted to keep running (I was halfway up the hill to the field where Cappy Town was located), when I heard Dedede and Escargoon's voices, "The love story of a pitiful fish," said Escargoon

"Aw, I'm touched," I head Dedede say. I scuttled behind a large rock and listened, "Whose life are they trying to ruin now?" I growled

"I'm the great king of this here land, Dedede,"

"Psh. Yeah. More like the great king of the pain in my arse,"

"So, you like the little brat Tiff, do ya?" this time it was Escargoon's nasally voice

Kine jumped into the air, "Absolutely!"

"Then we can lend you a hand,"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh no…"

"We can make it so that you can live on land,"

Kine almost hopped onto the shore. His face made me snort with laughter. It was the ultimate 'OMGWTF' face, "REALLY?!"

"In exchange," Dedede said slowly, "Tell us were to find the Rainbow Coral Forest,"

I'm not going to lie to you; that sounded like a location from 'The Last Unicorn'.

The fish sweat-dropped, "The Rainbow Coral Forest…?"

Escargoon grinned slyly, "Is that a problem? If it's a problem…"

"… then that's the end of our discussion," Dedede finished for him, which was odd. Usually it was the other way around. They began to walk away smugly when Kine shouted, "Wait!"

"What?"

"You'll tell us?"

"I'll tell you, but you'll have to fulfill your part of the deal…"

"Of course," With a face like that, it was impossible to tell whether Escargoon was lying or not

"Don't worry about it,"

Kine looked back at the ocean, "If you'll help me get Tiff, will you help my friend Joe…"

"Our deal is with you!" The two snapped

I stopped listening. I couldn't bear to tell Tiff about this for two very important reasons. The first is that; if I tell her now, I'll have nothing to laugh at tomorrow, and it will by my birthday after all. Second is that; I don't want to be the one to tell her. If I am, she'll start yelling and screaming and freaking out at _me_. Call it selfish, I couldn't care less. What would you do?

**-The Next Day-**

"_Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to meeeeeee, Happy Birthday to Lynn_,"

I sang this quietly as I passed Meta Knight's room. You have to admit, that song is so darn catchy.

As I entered the library, I heard Tuff say, "Yesterday was hilarious! That guy is a weird fish to like you,"

Ignoring the odd word order, I plopped down on the other side of the table from Tiff, who had a large book open to a page containing a picture of Kine.

"It's not like a hate fish, you know," she said indignantly, "We're both vertebrates. You'd better not make a fool out of him,"

"You hate him, you don't hate him, make up you're mind woman!" I groaned, still a bit tired.

Tuff seemed to share my thought—at least, in a way, "Vertebrate? But isn't a fish a fish?"

Tiff climbed the ladder that was set into a large book shelf and put the book back in its place, "Animals have the same origins. We may have even evolved from fish,"

"Well, _you _guys might have, but I'm pretty sure humans evolved from monkeys," I said skeptically

**Authors Note; to all the people who believe the Adam and Eve thing, I mean no disrespect, I promise.**

"Well, you should especially take care of fish that can talk," she shot a glare down at me, "and _not_ try to eat them!"

I stuck out my tongue and scowled. I'm so mature, I know. You're all jealous of me, I can tell.

"So if he get's on land, you'll be his girlfriend?" I laughed, folding my arms

Hopping down from the ladder, Tiff leaned up against on the small tables that rested at the foot of the ladder, "There's not much difference between living creatures…"

"Oh, I beg to differ,

"…so if that happens I might be his girlfriend. I might even go on a date with him,"

A stomach churning laugh coming from the direction of the doorway caused us all to draw our attention to the aforementioned. Dedede and Escargoon where walking up to us, looking incredibly smug. I swore under my breath. Then, behind them, being towed by two Waddle Dees was a large fish tank with an old-fashioned hearing aid (You know, the one's that look like the old record player speakers) stuck into the side. Inside the tank was none other than Kine. And how did he greet us, utterly oblivious to our stunned faces, as always?

"Here I am!"

"K-kine…!" managed a horrified Tiff

Dedede laughed again, "I granted this here fish his most sincere (wow, big word for Dedede) wish. You should keep your promise, girly. If yall want too, you can even marry him,"

"Just don't ask me to babysit," I muttered. Tiff cast me a murderous glare which, in my opinion, should have gone to Dedede.

Dedede laughed, "I'd be playin' matchmaker!"

"Thanks!" said Kine through the speaker

The two left, still laughing.

"Lynn, do you still have your bow and arrow? Because if so, I might be in need of your assistance," Tiff growled

I grinned sheepishly, "Yeah, about that. Would you believe that I left it on my bed one morning and might have, oh I dunno, sat on it?"

If she had been alone, I am positive she would have started banging her head on the table.

Tuff grinned, "You said you'd date him, right? You said that you'd go on a date with him and everything if he came up on land,"

"Poyo!" a certain creampuff chirped

"What are you talking about? Tiff lied (le gasp), "Kine is a fish! A fish!"

Kine gave her The Sad Eyes that I had gotten the previous day.

I rolled my eyes, "Tiff, I hate to say this—well, actually I don't. I've been looking for entertainment today, but since he took the trouble to come here, why don't you keep a fellow vertebrate company?"

She closed her eyes, "Why must you throw things back in my face?"

"Why must you give me ammo to do so?" I slid over to the tank, "Hey Kine, what do you want to do?"

If his fins reached his face, I can assure you he'd be rubbing his chin, "Let me see… I'd like to see all the different lands of this world!"

I groaned, "We have to figure out how to get you down a flight of stairs first," I turned to Kirby, "Kirby, can you get Fololo and Falala for us?"

"Poyo!

I heard Tiff moan, "This is going to be a long day,"

**-A random dirt road near Cappy Town-**

Seemingly everyone who had a solid role in this show was crowded around Kine's tank, muttering. Curio was babbling trivia about Kine. A farmer I've never met came up to us, "Tiff, is this a fish study-group?"

While I was trying to find the pun I knew was lurking about in that sentence, Tuff spoke for me, "Right now she's on a date,"

"Tuff," the murderous glare returned, but Tuff wouldn't shut up, "Kine fell in love with my sister, so he came up on land,"

Everyone in the crowd seemed to sweat-drop. The farmer I had mentioned earlier said, "Only Sir Ebrum's daughter would go on a date with a fish,"

Curio looked at Kine, then Tiff, then back to Kine, "Now that I look closer, they're perfect for each other,"

"Pfftt," I bit my lip to hide my laughter

"Perfect… for… each…?!" I had never seen Tiff this angry. It would have been funny (actually it still was) if I was not within punching distance.

Seeing that his sister was about to explode, Tuff waved his hands in the air, "Come one, out of the way, this isn't a show,"

With that, Fololo and Falala grabbed onto a rope which was tied to the side of the tanks and started pulling. Tiff, Tuff and I pushing from the back. Let me tell you that it was not my idea of a fun birthday.

Once we had gotten out of the crowd, Kine started marveling at his surroundings, "This land is really vast!" he noted

Finally, we stopped at a field of flowers. Admittedly, it was a very pretty sight, but I wouldn't tell anyone that.

"Tiff, what are those pretty things?" our unusually heavy fish asked

"Flowers," she said flatly

"Flowers? The ocean has that too. It's called coral,"

"I know," she said again with the same tone

"Yeah, the only difference is that up here, most flowers don't cut your feet to ribbons if you step on them," I said derisively

"I'd especially like to show you the Rainbow Coral Forest,"

Another flat sentence, "Another time,"

I elbowed her, "Tiff, don't say that! If you say 'another time' he'll start to think that there'll actually be _another time_,"

Thankfully, Kine didn't notice what I had said or, if he had, he chose to ignore it, "I'm relieved. The world of land isn't that different from the sea,"

"They're different!" she insisted harshly

Kine hopped out of the water and balanced impressively on the edge of the glass, "It's the same!"

"Wrong!" she said angrily, "There's a huge difference between land and sea!"

Kine frowned sadly, but Tuff grinned, "But sis, didn't you say the exact opposite a little while ago?"

The girl looked conflicted. I almost felt bad for her.

We moved on. We next stopped (much to the relief of myself and my aching feet) at a hill overlooking the village, "It's magnificent!" Kine exclaimed, "I like it!"

"That's good," Tiff said happily. She had given up trying to be stern with him, considering the fact that he was too stupidly happy to realize that she didn't like him

"I could live my entire life on land like this,"

Her eyes widened, "Hold on! It's still too early," she pointed at us. We were lying on the ground. Everyone was exhausted. I had taken my shoes off to massage my feet.

"We can't move anymore," Tuff sighed

"You see?" Kine's 'date' said, "Even moving a little is harder on land,"

"No problem! Love conquers all!"

This time, I exploded, "Someone please throw him back into The Little Mermaid, damn it!!!"

"That's not the issue here," Tiff agreed, but probably in a more family-friendly way, but Kine wasn't listening. He was staring at two Cappy teenagers who were walking down the road, holding hands. What happened next will make me laugh until the day I die. Which, considering the fact that I get on people's nerves so often, might not be that far away.

"Tiff, let's hold hands!" he rammed his face into the side of the tank

"W-what are you doing?" she asked, looking shocked

"Let's hold hands!" he said again, once more running into the side of the tank. He kept this up for about a minute, running into the tank and insisting on holding hands. Psh, I'm not even going to comment on how that would be physically possible.

That was when the rocks that kept his tank from rolling downhill gave way, and guess what happened?

I had to put my shoes back on.

We sprinted down the hill; almost tripping we were going so fast. As soon as we had made it into the village, we heard the sound of glass shattering and the sound of an annoying fish flying through the air.

We heard screaming coming from Kawasaki's and one could guess what was transpiring on the inside. Let me tell, you, that fish can _move_. I was impressed.

Finally, he seemed to exhaust himself, and landed where else, but the cutting board.

That was when Tiff and Co. came bursting in, "Don't!" Tiff screamed and, if Tuff couldn't make matters more awkward, he added, "That's my sister's boyfriend!"

"…Boyfriend?"

We were outside Kawasaki's, filling a large pot with water.

"Tuff, let me tell you something…" Tiff looked thoroughly exasperated,

The boy answered before his sister could finish, "I know, he's not your boyfriend,"

An echo came from the pot, "Ah, that was rough,"

…Insert third dirty joke here.

Tiff once again frowned, "Didn't I tell you? You can't live on land!"

"It defiantly has too many dangerous things," Tuff agreed

I heard a loud, hawk-like screech coming from above, "Um, yeah, dangerous. You mean like _that_?!" I pulled Tiff and Tuff to the ground as a large, rainbow colored bird swooped down and scooped up Kine, pot and all, into her claws.

But before we could do anything, we saw a little black shape falling from Dynablade.

"Oh, don't tell me the fool jumped…"

"He's not just on land, he's in the sky!" Tuff exclaimed

There's another pun hiding in that sentence, I know it!

"We need to save him!"

"Oh, alright," I sighed, "Let's go,"

"He's heading for the mayor's house!" Tiff pointed out. As we neared the house, we heard a crashing sound and I could only assume that our scaly pain had crashed through the roof. We knocked on the door; I had to cover my eyes.

Mayor… in… towel… that image will _haunt me_.

We lifted him out of the tub and carried him to a nearby stream, where he seemed content. Hey, he was laughing, "Ha! I thought I was a goner,"

"Yeah, and I kind of wished we had let you stay that way," I muttered contemptuously

Not hearing me, he continued, "But how could such a thing have happened?"

"Idiot! Because you're a fish!" Tuff and I said in unison. He stopped and let me continue, "You have to get that through your thick skull! If you stay up here you're going to die! Is that what you want?"

Kine sighed and looked at me, "You've never been in love, have you? That's why you're so cruel. I still think you need to meet my friend Joe. I think you'd like him! Really!"

Tuff burst out laughing and Tiff smiled. I turned bright red, and clenched my fists. I was going to commit fishicide, I swear.

Again, Kine sighed, "Your friend might be right though; the worlds we live in are different after all?"

"And the fact that you're a different species has _nothing _to do with it,"

"But isn't Dedede also a land animal?" Kine asked

The two gasped for no reason. They hadn't even heard what the fish was going to say, but they had already jumped to a conclusion. Unfortunately, their conclusion was correct, "What about Dedede?"

"Why did that guy want to know about that?" he seemed to ask himself

"About what?!" I asked, semi-frustrated, "Keep you're questions in order man…fish…"

Tiff began to look worried, "Could Dedede have asked you for something in exchange for putting you in the tank?"

"He wanted me to tell him where the Rainbow Coral Forest is…" Kine began to get that 'oh snap' look on his face

"This could be bad," Tiff exclaimed

"Really?" I said as sardonically as I could, "You _don't_ think he just wants to commune with nature?"

**-Back at Castle Dedede-**

"A villa on the ocean floor?"

"Dedede Sea?"

"Is he really that stupid?!"

Sir Ebrum looked perplexed, "I heard that his Majesty wants to enjoy his vacation in elegance at the bottom of the ocean this year,"

Tuff face-palmed, "He's gotta be kidding!"

"No, he really is that stupid," I said, completely serious

"He said it was at the first ocean landmark," Lady Like continued, "The Rainbow Coral Forest,"

"He used Kine because of that," Tiff said darkly, not paying any attention to the fish who had just been petrified in shock, "I've done something terrible…" he sank slowly into the water as he said this.

"Understatement of the year," I scoffed, "You know what else? I'm feeling grumpy today,"

"Tiff! Take me to the ocean!" Kine said. He no longer seemed happy.

"Perhaps I can be of assistance?" asked Meta Knight, who had appeared behind us and caused me to jump out of my skin, "Agh! I hate it when you do that!"

Ignoring me (cause that's _never_ happened before) he said to Kine and Tiff, "I have a submarine that can take you to the Coral Forest (like he would really risk his masculinity by said 'Rainbow Coral Forest'). But we must hurry!"

**-Somewhere on a randomly placed pier-**

"…That's a barrel with a window and propeller," I said skeptically, an eyebrow raised in suspicion, "Are you sure that it'll hold us all?"

"Yes, I am. Now get in or don't," he said firmly.

"Alright, alright, I'm getting in," I squeezed into the 'submarine' with Tiff and tuff who were manning two steering wheels, and Kirby, who was sitting on the floor, 'poyo'ing happily. Meta Knight stood on a slightly raised platform, and I was squashed against the back, still unsure about the barrel sub.

Kine led us to the coral, where we saw an ugly (but much more stable looking) sub with two arms, tearing apart the coral. Kine rushed at Dedede, but only managed to get himself knocked into a rock.

"I see. Does his Majesty wish to destroy nature?" Meta Knight asked

"Well, considering the fact that—" I shut up when I got a group glare from everyone, and while I wouldn't nearly be so intimidated if it was just Tiff and Tuff, Meta Knight was with us and we were in a barrel deep under the ocean. I shut up.

"The coral has been broken badly. Kirby, we're counting on you!" Tiff pressed a button on her steering wheel and somehow without letting any water in, Kirby was pushed out into the ocean.

Kirby kicked hard, speeding towards the ship, only to do a 'Kine' and get knocked to the ground.

That's when the missile showed up.

A compartment opened up on Dedede's sub and spat a missile at Kirby. Kirby dodged it, but now it was heading straight at us. I glared at Meta Knight, "Happy Birthday to me," I spat before the missile hit us.

Miraculously, no one was hurt. I kicked upwards, my cheeks puffed out, trying not to suck in any water.

When I broke the surface I found myself near an outcropping rock that I had not noticed before now. Meta Knight stood there, looking quite composed for someone who had just been inside an exploding barrel.

I clutched onto the rock. I was coughing up water. My hair was plastered to my face, bangs in my eyes. I looked at Meta Knight and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "_How_ is it that you managed to get from the bottom of the ocean to this rock and are _**DRY!?!?!**_"

Of course, like the douche that he is, he didn't answer me. Instead, he seemed fixated on a steadily growing whirlpool that was roughly 15 feet from us. I scuttled onto the rock next to him and shook my head, deliberately splashing the knight, "What's happening?"

"Kirby is inhaling," he said, sounding oddly simplistic about it

Of course, as soon at he said this, Kirby shot out of the water, follower closely by Tiff, Tuff and Kine, who (with the exception of the fish) were clinging for dear life to the rock.

"That is… Tornado Kirby," everyone's favorite blueberry confirmed as Kirby donned an elaborate hat in the shape of a twister.

Appropriately enough, Kirby started to spin, which, in turn, created a typhoon. As said typhoon came up to meet Kirby, it turned to rain, showering all of us and creating a rainbow.

Then, as suddenly as he had started, Kirby stopped spinning, spouting huge jets of water pack into the ocean. Dedede's ruined sub floated to the top.

"I wonder what that would have done to a barrel?" I joked.

Meta Knight very subtly pushed me back into the water without anyone noticing.

Dedede and Escargoon where kicking and shouting frantically in the water when an enormous shark rose from the water and began chasing to two.

"Huh, so that's Joe,"

Kine looked at me hopefully

"The answer is still no,"

He sighed, for the billionth time this chapter.

**-Back on Land-**

"Thank you Kirby. The marine environment is safe thanks to you," We looked around, "Kirby? Where'd he go?"

Tiff began to look concerned, "He was here until a few minutes ago…"

"Well, please give my regards to him," Kine said, "I caused a lot of trouble,"

Tiff frowned, "I should be the one saying that. I hurt you. If only I could live in the sea…"

"Don't say what you don't mean, Tiff," I muttered in her ear. A sharp elbow to the stomach caused my to give a grunt of pain

"Tiff, I'll remember our date for the rest of our life," he said, eyes watering

Tiff raised a hand, "Take care, Kine,"

"Goodbye," he swam gloomily out into the ocean.

I raised my eyebrows, "Jeez Tiff. I think you killed him on the inside,"

I think Tiff was about to say something before we heard Kine give a shout of surprise. Kirby had popped up in front of him, wearing a snorkel mask.

I could only imagine what was going through that fish's head at that moment, but then, I imagined no longer, because Kine voiced loudly what was going through his head at that moment, "Tiff! Over there! If you have that, you can live in the sea too!"

The look on her face was priceless. Absolutely stunned, "That is…"

Tuff laughed, "Sis, this time are you going to have a date in the ocean?"

Tiff screamed.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see Meta Knight, wrapped in his cloak, looking all mysterious, "Lynn," He gestured for me to follow him. I complied, semi-confused.

Once we were out of earshot the four, Meta Knight pulled a flower from behind his cape, "Happy Birthday Lynn,"

Even though I didn't have a mirror, I was sure my face had turned bright red.

"What? Is it not acceptable on your planet to give people presents on their birthdays?" I'm 56% sure he meant this as a joke.

"No… it's just… thank you," I grinned widely. Without warning, I lunged at Meta Knight (Insert several dirty jokes here), attempting to push him into the ocean. However, he sidestepped and grabbed my wrist with his gloved hand and proceeded to practically throw me into the water. I popped back up above the surface, scowling playfully. I leaned against the ledge, "Oh, c'mon! Just this once?"

His eyes misted pink and he picked up the flower and slid it behind my ear, "Not a chance," he murmured, and disappeared.


End file.
